I have the astounding honor to be writing on such a memorable day. That’s right, ladies and gents! On this day, September 13th, back in 2011, it was declared Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day.  To be present at such a time is crucial to our economy because for one day a year, parents don’t have to cook. Parents can take their bratty kids, throw them in a kitchen, and make them cook for themselves for once!

“The objective behind this ‘mission’ is to empower kids and teens to become more actively involved in the planning, preparation and cooking of meals.  In turn, we are fostering family bonds and actively fighting the battle against the many serious health and social issues related to our youth’s eating habits in today’s time.”

Seriously? You think giving kids the power to cook for themselves is going to REDUCE unhealthy eating habits? Whoever created this holiday pretty much just made second Halloween for these kids. Personally, as a college student, any chance I get to inject some gushers into my body or drown my sorrows in a bag of McDonalds burgers is a solid meal for me. So imagine the kind of crazy shit these kids will be doing!

Now kids, don’t think of this as a punishment, and certainly don’t ignore this holiday! Because in all honesty, how often do you get the chance to eat whatever the hell you want?!?!?! On Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day (KTOKD for short), you’re in charge. You want chicken nuggets for dinner? Go for it. You want chocolate syrup on the side? By all means, go right ahead! You wanna scrape the gum from the bottom of your shoe and mix in the blender with worms, catsup, and some leftover pizza? No one is gonna stop you! The kitchen is now yours.

And parents, I encourage you, go out tonight. You may be afraid because I just told your kids to eat pre-chewed gum and worms, but lets not lie to ourselves, how often does this opportunity come? Go to that fancy restaurant you can’t go to anymore because you’re kids are too noisy and they hate the menu because there are no crayons and the old people there smell like old kimchi and foot. Spend some quality time with your significant other! It’s amazing bonding and you guys can try and reignite that spark you most likely lost after the birth of your first child. Get out of the house and for once, don’t worry about cooking for your kids.  Because for one night, and one night only, they’re on their own.  And no matter what they end up cooking for themselves, it will never taste as good as the taste of a little freedom.

Moments after, he leaves the kitchen with 3rd degree burns