Newhouse spokesman Carl Waiters announced Tuesday a massive curriculum overhaul, which included a new major at Syracuse’s flagship institution.
“The Newhouse School is constantly trying to evolve and adapt to fit the ever-changing landscape of the communications industry,” Waiters said in a statement to the press, “To that end, we will be incorporating a new major into our program, which will henceforth be known as ‘Sitting in Food.com for Hours Looking Pretentious.'”
Waiters went on to add that it became clear that the new major was an absolute necessity, given the current job market and economic climate. “In order to prepare out students for real-world careers–most of which will probably involve sitting around and writing defensive tweets for evil corporations hell-bent on ruining society in the name of financial gain–we believe that through this new curriculum our students will get a leg up on the competition.”
Most students received news of the new major warmly, with many planning to declare the discipline within the next year.
“I’d like, really like to write about fashion or maybe, like, celebrity gossip, or something,” said undeclared freshman Brittany Meyers. “So like, this will be, like, a great opportunity for me to like, get started on what I want to do, which is writing about something that, like, makes absolutely no substantive contribution to our culture, but allows me to act like the entire cast of Sex & the City!”
Meyer was pleased to learn that many of the classes centered around proper looking-pretentious-and-busy technique.
“I’ve already got a head start on that. I’ve killed entire days in one of those booths, pretending to do work. I’m a natural.
“Pretty soon I’ll be living my dream, making women feel terrible about their bodies! Or reporting on cousins of Kardashians and hurting America!”
When asked to comment, the Newhouse 3 Building just quoted the First Amendment over and over again.
