Friday’s game against Northern Iowa was a joyous event for everyone except local Syracuse resident, Michael Woodley. Woodley stood outside the Carrier Dome with an “I need tickets” sign in hopes of acquiring seats to Syracuse’s season opener. “I waited until the last minute and I didn’t have a ticket, so I figured I’d just make a sign and maybe someone with an extra one would give it to me or something.” Woodley stated.

      Things did not go as he planned, however. Instead of being gifted a ticket by a kind frat brother as he had hoped, he was approached by a number of people looking for tickets themselves. “I don’t understand it. I have a sign that says ‘I NEED TICKETS,’ so why on earth would I have tickets to spare for other people. If I NEED tickets, it means I don’t HAVE tickets.” explained a frutsrated Michael Woodley. Within a few minutes of our interview, a disgruntled scalper with a similar sign to Woodley’s came over and began to start an argument between the two men, insisting that Woodley was “on his turf” and should “go scalp somewhere else.”
       “What the hell was that guy talking about?” exclaimed Woodley, “And what is ‘scalping?'” 
        In all fairness, Woodley also did not know where babies came from and could not locate Europe on a map. He also asked me if Lindsey Lohan was in jail for killing her twin sister she acted with in “The Parent Trap.”