It was reported today that after this semester, Syracuse University will no longer carry “hard science” courses, opting instead to allow students to fulfill the requirement with much softer sciences, such as Earth Science, Astronomy and Pottery. This decision was made after scheduling commenced and the University realized that there were a total of 4 students registered to take Chemistry, Biology and Physics as opposed to 15,000 students registered to take Earth Science. “Isn’t that the entire University?” a Syracuse Junior inquired. Yes. Yes it is.
In place of difficult classes such as Chemistry, the university has created new courses, designed to give students the fundamental knowledge picked up in the hard sciences but at a much slower and less intellectually stimulating pace. Biology is now known as “Talking About Animals and Shit.” Chemistry has taken on the new title of “Throwing Shit Together to Make Other Shit,” while Physics will now simply be known as “Figuring Out How Fast Shit is Falling.” Nancy Cantor declined to comment.
