It’s an age-old custom in a game of beer pong: After the other team takes their shot, you drop the ball into a water cup, obviously thereby eliminating the bacteria potentially collected on the table or in the beer cups, or from that disgusting basement floor if your opponents are really bad. Everyone in college knows that water is a powerful disinfectant. 

But Duke University medical researchers have discovered that there maybe additional benefits to consuming the contents of the pong water cup. In a landmark study, scientists have concluded the water in these red dixie cups, when mixed with the acrid air of a college cellar, has the power to cure most cancers, AIDS, the bubonic plague, malaria, gout, Lou Gehrig’s disease, and the common cold. 
“The data we have gathered shows that, in addition to being a powerful disinfectant to ward off the spread of disease during drinking games, can be a game-changing tool in the fight against more serious illnesses,” researcher Dr. Donald Forsythe said in a phone call. 
Test subjects consumed one cup of beer pong water, and within two weeks, symptoms were reduced, and many subjects were even deemed cured. 
Dr. Forsythe had one wish for this study: “We hope the release of our findings spurns a new epidemic, of people drinking beer pong water at the end of a long night. Because, as our study shows, it really is very good for you.”