The obesity epidemic has taken our nation by storm. Millions
of Americans have been affected by the greasy and fatty foods that are served
around our country’s schools. As the problem continues to worsen, the U.S.
government has been coming up with new creative ways to solve the problem.

One of the newest most innovative strategies was developed
right here at Ramapo College. In the past when eating at Birch, Pavilion, and
Pay Caf (Atrium) the fatty, unhealthy foods would go straight to your gut or
ass leaving unwelcomed fat to hang out of your disproportional clothes. Now
with the inclusion of laxatives into our student body’s everyday diet, we are
sure to have one of the skinniest populations in the entire nation.

“I would eat all the vegetables
at Birch and still have a fat ass,” said Kaitlin Griffith a freshman at Ramapo.
“This whole freshman 15 thing is just a thing of the past.”