society expects our generation to attend college, followed by Grad School if we
intend to get anywhere in life. We are given a list of Gen. Eds. that will
leave not only our minds hurting but our GPA’s as well. Partying has become
drinking red bull in front of a bio book and pregaming is well, opening the text book. 

             After a recent study performed by New York
University, our superior, a link has been discovered between the difficult
mandatory classes college students are forced to take and the increase in Justin
Bieber music sales. Because of Bieber’s mundane, and for lack of a better word,
unintelligent lyrics college students have begun to fill their I-tunes with the
dull music in order to escape from their course work. One Hofstra student
stopped on the Unispan, Thursday, stated, “After reading Math, Bio, or my
Jewish Studies book for a straight hour I find that I need an escape. I find
this escape in the meaningless lyrics of Justin Bieber.” (Based upon the number
of the textbooks, the source was confirmed reliable) 

             While Justin Bieber flips
his hair, hangs with Usher, and dates a girl far beyond his level of maturity,
bands such as Adele, Mumford and Sons, Fleet Foxes, Vampire Weekend, Sara
Bareilles and many others watch their sales dramatically drop as students no
longer have the time to appreciate the deep,
meaningful lyrics. 

               Lyrics such as, “When I met you girl my heart went knock knock,” become comforting to the
worn out mind of a college student, but to anyone else it looks as though
Justin Bieber has a heart condition. Not quite as comforting. “You’re by my
side, them troubles they don’t trouble me,” not addressing the issue, Justin,
is rather unhealthy. When looked at with a critical eye it soon becomes
apparent that while College Students begin using their mind only within the
classroom they fail to realize that they are listening to a psychologically
unstable man who suffers from heart palpitations. Well, isn’t Selena Gomez

Bieber will start a new campaign promoting more changeling education. Some say
it is due to his caring nature, although most know it’s because his lyrics only
attract the empty minded. So Justin, congrats. You have found the outlet you
need to succeed. Success has just been reinvented.