Mahwah, NJ- J. Lee’s President Jeremy Lin has declared that J. Lee’s will secede from Ramapo. Additionally in his press conference, President Lin outlined some of the future rules and regulations that will be enforced immediately. “No longer will we have to outsource our labor to China, all goods will be manufactured here and exported to other nations,” Lin said. “We are going to make a killing”
Key financial outlines include the Daily Child Labor Act, which makes every day send your child to work day and the One Male Law which prohibits citizens from having more than one male child. Financial Analysts project that each will at least double the revenue generated by the country.
Lin also claimed that all citizens’ drivers’ license would immediately be suspended because they are unsafe to drive. Prior to the secession, people who hung out in J. Lee’s were statistically more likely to get into automobile accidents. “The numbers are right in front of us. Why should we put people’s lives at stake?”
Upon hearing the news, Ramapo College President, Peter Mercer, proclaimed the school’s intentions of importing its fabrics from J. Lee’s.