NORTH CAMPUS ““ After hours of thought and consideration, Cornell
Freshman Katie Jones has decided today that she will give Swahili Literature
101 a chance.

“I really had absolutely no interest in the topic
whatsoever,” says Katie Jones. “But, the professor actually made the class seem
pretty interesting, and the first few readings did make me think a little bit.
Therefore, I think I’m going to stay in the class.”

Apparently, Katie enrolled in the class because
of a new distribution requirement that all students take at least one “liberal
arts” course ““ a class that does not really teach anything practical, but where
the content can really only be studied at a university like Cornell.

“I was like, “What? How in the world is a class on Swahili
Literature ever supposed to help me get a job?'” said Katie. “But apparently I
have to take a class like that to graduate.”

Remaining true to her pragmatic beliefs, Katie made sure all
her other classes could directly relate to a probable and profitable career

“On my schedule, I have Financial Accounting, in case I
decide to become an accountant or an analyst. I also have Western Political
Philosophy, which I guess could sort of help me if I decide to become a lawyer.
And of course let’s not forget Magical Mushrooms and Mischievous Molds, which would
be absolutely invaluable if I decide to become a drug dealer,” says Katie.

In spite of Katie’s enthusiasm for Swahili Literature 101,
all of her friends apparently dropped the course immediately after the first
lecture, as they heard that Modern Governments 101 fulfilled the same distribution
requirement, but was “much less reading” and “mostly stuff from high school.”