Administration was reportedly chuckling today as
students across the campus cried out for an easier way to enroll in courses for
the following semester than the current CourseEnroll system.


“I fucking woke up at 6:30 AM to make sure I could get in on
time, said fuming freshmen Kent Gonzalez. “After 30 minutes of loading the
class selector, I was sent to a logout page. I wound up smashing my laptop
against a wall. Why must we get screwed over for doing what we’re supposed to


Indeed, the current CourseEnroll system has recently been
declared the most frustrating thing ever created, surpassing the blue shell
item from Mario Kart.


“I’m in, I try registering for classes, it kicks me out,”
reports freshmen Katie Gold. “On the list of 161 things to do at Cornell, it
says to turn your face blue from screaming the night before finals. I turned my
face blue from screaming at CourseEnroll.”


“Must”¦ Destroy”¦ Oracle PeopleSoft,” says sophomore Brian


One student in Clara Dickson Hall allegedly murdered his roommate
in cold blood after being logged out for the tenth time while trying to
register for distribution requirements.  After
finally getting through and discovering his once-empty class was now full,
Brett Thompson strangled his roommate for “not shutting up about how he got the
classes he wanted”.


“I don’t know what came over me,” said Brett Thompson during
his arraignment. “Why must we use a system that induces users into such a
violent and destructive rage?”


“Hahaha,” replied University President David Skorton.