Freshman Katie Yamoor fell hard yesterday (down a flight of
stairs) with her then-boyfriend, who was relatively unharmed. Her injuries are
not fatal, but many speculate there will be some walls up (around the stairs)
in the future to prevent a reoccurrence.

“He was the kind of guy who played games,” a friend of
Yamoor’s states sadly. Unfortunately, “the games had Katie trippin’ because she
was always the one who played the fool. Also, because she’s not very
coordinated. And yesterday, she tripped and fell down the stairs.”

Yamoor and her boyfriend reportedly met in their
first-semester science GE, where their former professor attests they had “great
chemistry;” the best, in fact, of the entire chemistry class. She felt a spark
at first sight (because of some of the classroom’s exposed wires), saw
fireworks (because of being mildly electrocuted), he was there to catch her
(because she fainted from being electrocuted), and they had been together ever

That doesn’t mean there weren’t cracks in the relationship ““
cracks that grew until the day Katie suffered a fall that even sexual healing
couldn’t cure (unlike the couple’s previous scare with the Love Bug [crabs]). Katie
approached her boyfriend and said she was dissatisfied with their relationship
though all she wanted was to dance with somebody (preferably him) and feel the
heat with somebody (though hopefully not by way of electric shock).

Though allegedly “crazy in love,” he said he couldn’t take
the leap (figuratively). She tried to say goodbye and she choked, she tried to
walk away and she stumbled ““ and fell down their building’s flight of stairs.
She was quickly checked into The Heartbreak Hotel, where it was realized she
should probably be taken to a hospital instead.

Katie is expected to make a full recovery. Though she is lovesick
and has a bad case of the blues (a fun way for medical professionals to say “extremely bruised”), the doctors assure worried friends and family that the first cut is
the deepest (and they were able to stitch it cleanly shut).