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Picture by
Leah Folta
March 31, 2012 at 8:24 pm
The Single Life (for once, this is not about relationships!)
(Probably) like you, I was one of those normal American kids* who grew up with her own room. I moved several times, but throughout I had my own space – good desks, comfortable beds, the option to sneeze as loudly as I wanted without someone across the room being all judgy about it. Air conditioning.... MORE »
28th and Hoov
Deep in the middle of the sweltering concrete jungle of South Central Los Angeles lies a place of pleasure, and intrigue. It’s a place where underpaid, average looking, and piddling college students work hard and play harder, the kind of place where desperate people have a lot of sex with each other. This IS 28th... MORE »
Lena Dunham to release spoken word poetry album
Fueled by Ramen, the record label behind the soundtrack GIRLS Volume 1: Music from the Original HBO Series, announced today that they will be releasing an album of original spoken word poetry written and performed by none other than Lena Dunham herself. It comes as no surprise after Dunham signed a $3.7 million book deal for... MORE »
All Girls in Sorority House Hate Drama, Charlotte
As last nights chapter dinner, many more individual conversations, endless hours of research, and a recent press release from the sorority have revealed, All the girls in the Theta Delta Chi house have proclaimed that they, “Hate Drama.” Drama has been cast off by this group as, “Shitty,” and, “Annoying,” in the past. The... MORE »
[Insert Title of Your Own Creation Here!]
It’s been a while, Campus Basement. I’ve been, you know, living my life and stuff (#yolo, but I don’t think that’s a thing still #outdated? #sorry #ugh). Doing work. Sleeping. Going to Trader Joe’s. Watching Portlandia. Grumbling as I try to find a radio station that isn’t playing that stupid Bruno Mars song. Harboring a... MORE »
Music Festival Lineups Announced, Everyone Turns into Douchebags
“Dude, did you see the Bonnaroo lineup?” asked a tall, skinny white kid to his equally skinny white friend at the Campus Center this past Tuesday. “Dude. Dude!” We started to notice similar instances happening all around campus. One girl near our table in particular frantically proceeded to share jpegs of the Coachella lineup on each of... MORE »
Fighting On Elsewhere: A Daytrip to San Luis Obispo
Though the USC area certainly has its redeeming qualities (Spudnuts, USC, the UV movie theatre, the raccoon I once saw outside of my apartment building), the inhabitants of Figueroa etc. do occasionally long for time away from DPS reports, bike thieves, poor late night diet decisions, and the occasional vaguely rabid squirrel. That is where... MORE »
Student Asks Question To Prove He Doesn’t Need To Do So
As the second week of the semester closes, the material being covered in classes is finally starting to touch outside the realm of common sense. As we roll into week three the girl getting over some weight issues who just got her fake ID will once again be easier than your classes, and all will... MORE »
USC to Add More GE Classes because They Think Students Actually Like Them
“Who doesn’t love the General Education classes?” is the question with which USC President C.L. Max Nikias started off his public statement yesterday. And while somebody should have said, “NOBODY,” nobody did and he went on thinking that everyone does. In front of a small group of advisors and higher-ups here at the university, President... MORE »
“Trojan Family Room” renamed for napping purposes
Since its grand opening in 2010, the Ronald Tutor Campus Center has been quite the useful addition for all Trojans, from the outdoor International Plaza to the upstairs offices and Traditions in the basement. But the most useful of all, however, has been the grand entrance of Sample Hall, more commonly known as the “Trojan... MORE »
Poll shows men wearing formal or business-casual clothes considered “distracting,” “super hot”
The unanimous results of the latest poll of the attracted-to-men community contains one surprising gem: dressed-up dudes are really hot. “I keep having to remind myself not to stare,” says an anonymous junior of the days her business class dresses up for presentations. When asked if she’d maybe be more productive if there were no... MORE »
Week in Review: Fell in love with a News
Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines Nikias names recipient of staff award : I’m not giving mine away til I’m married Former First Lady of California and journalist Maria Shriver will speak at the Annenberg Communication Commencement : School of Marrying Unfaithful Bodybuilders graduates are piiiiissed DPS officers responded to a... MORE »
Graduating student realizes she missed the “weird hair window”
“I never thought I’d be someone who DIDN’t cut half my hair off and dye it red,” says Elle, a grad student finishing school in May. She has recently realized what many students do – there’s a small window in which to experiment with extreme hairstyles, after which being taken seriously by the squarer members... MORE »
Health center now has vaccine to protect sexually active students against Feelings
Feelings is a sexually transmitted disease in the same vein as pregnancy – when wanted, it can be a beautiful thing. When unwanted, as is often the case during college years, it can ruin lives. “My day to day is pretty manageable,” says Alex, a sophomore whose Feelings escalated to Hurt Feelings and to full-blown... MORE »
Parents refuse another bailout though sophomore says she is “too big to fail”
“I made a bad business decision. I understand that now,” an anonymous* student** says, of the six months’ food money she spent this week on airplane tickets, tequila, sunscreen, Mexican-jail-bribe money and large amounts of cocaine (“as a joke!” she insists, rolling her eyes). “I am an institution! In my hall, in my study groups,... MORE »
21-year-old can finally drink in bars, can’t afford to drink in bars
“I’m not ordering cocktails made of gold!” yelled one SC senior as he was escorted out of a busy downtown bar last night. “Do they come off-brand?? Do you do payment plans?!” He is just one of many students whose long-awaited 21st birthdays quickly tanked due to bar-drink sticker shock. “Fifteen bucks is either a bottle... MORE »
BREAKING: Guy who doesn’t chip in thought beer was free
“It’s like when I found out Santa wasn’t real, all over again,” says Ross*, a junior who hasn’t put a dime toward beer the three years he’s been drinking it. “When I think back to all the shotgunning, all the beer pong… Even the victories feel like shame.” The frequent party host who broke the... MORE »
Week in Review: Hard out here for a News
Some employers look to Facebook profiles to determine a potential hire’s personality : I can’t figure out how to delete that application that put me in Hufflepuff!! DPS detained two bike theft suspects; one was found in possession of a pair of bolt cutters and a bike that he admitted was stolen, and the second suspect... MORE »
Graduating senior decides not to leave
Hi, school. We’ve been together for over 16 years now. I know you’re in your 130s and that doesn’t seem like a long time, but it’s 16/21 of my life and I don’t know why you’re doing this to me. I guess I always knew the graduating thing was coming. College is this cushy, insulated... MORE »
Week In Review: Get a load of the News on that guy!
Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines DPS safety forum discusses student stress management, decreasing crime rates : Arguably, that second one could take care of both 1970 Los Angeles ban on throwing balls at beaches lifted : All my “MY BALLS, MY CHOICE!” posters must have worked! Onion editors address satire... MORE »
Bike Traffic Safety: Written For and By (Insane) Bikers
Without laws our society would crumble like so many cookies. Our campus bike traffic is abnormally apocalyptic and Highlander-y, so we here at Campus Basement want to say: good job! That’s how you do it ““ mow down pedestrians/each other, take no prisoners but take the heads for trophies. For those who need help remembering... MORE »
A Brief History of St. Valentine: Patron saint of ruining new couples
The 3rd century Roman was martyred for forcing people who were dating to decide too early whether they wanted to commit to an expensive night of manufactured romance. He was slowly burned to death by a crowd of bitter singles and angry casual daters. FUN FACT: Stupid presents are a vestigial relationship tradition, invented when... MORE »
A Bartender’s Guide to College Parties
Just because you’re working exclusively with lowest-shelf alcohol and off-brand sodas, your fellow bartenders are quickly getting drunk, and you’re behind the dining table your roommates dragged outside doesn’t mean you’re anything less than a mixologist. You’re a crafter of dreams, a nurser of egos. You feed good times to the sober and liquid courage... MORE »
Survey says 96% of women’s friends “could do so much betterâ€
When polled randomly about their heterosexual lady-friends’ objects of affection, 96% of female students claimed a decisive “she could do so much better than him!” Follow up quotes from those surveyed were illuminating about the reasons why: “I tell her she could do so much better every day,” one freshman says sadly. “In a world... MORE »
Week In Review: Another day, another News
Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines New health center should mean more comprehensive care, more resources : AND BARRELS UPON BARRELS OF CONDOMS FOR ALL Norris to screen film on religion : Me to stay home and watch Archer $30 million donated to build new hall : It’s great the Dauterives... MORE »
Juniors’ roommate declared a national “disaster area”
The federal government declared a Communications major west of campus an official disaster area on Thursday, following weeks of destructive behavior and dangerous top speeds of around six shots/hour. In typical fashion, FEMA was slow to respond and residents in her vicinity suffered for it. After two freshman fraternity pledges were evacuated from the area,... MORE »
Thoughts on Thursday’s Game (By Someone Who Doesn’t Get Sports)
If this is a basketball, I’m not messing this up yet. We got there 45 minutes early to be one of the first 1000, to get a free bag. Bags weren’t for students. Whatever this “Trojan Fever” is, it must be the reason everyone’s at home. But tickets are free! And shirts are five bucks! With sunglasses! Hell yes!... MORE »
Week in Review: I Want Newsual Healing
Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines USC Quidditch team will face UCLA on January 29 : A longstanding rivalry that holds a certain magic for some. And an amount of politely hiding embarrassment for their families Daylong Bike Summit included new draft of bike safety recommendations : Suggestions about noticing stop... MORE »
LOCAL NONSTUDENT COLUMN: Why Can’t It Be Quiet at 11PM on Saturdays?
Hello! I live two blocks off campus, I’m not a student and I call the LAPD about your noise more often than I talk to any actual people. You may be thinking, “Aw, man! What gives?” and I’d like the chance to explain! It may not be clear why I need weeknight quiet to my... MORE »
A College Christmas Carol: Whiskey, Time Travel, and Matt Barkley
I down my entire Holiday Winesky Nog (wine, whiskey, egg nog, and cough syrup, because you’re only young once) in record time, my sixth mug celebrating the same number of potential love interests who stopped messaging back this week on a stupid dating site I don’t care about even a little bit at all. I’d spent all day not... MORE »