Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines

Nikias names recipient of staff award : I’m not giving mine away til I’m married

Former First Lady of California and journalist Maria Shriver will speak at the Annenberg Communication Commencement : School of Marrying Unfaithful Bodybuilders graduates are piiiiissed

DPS officers responded to a report of an intoxicated female urinating in a doorway at Hebrew Union College after being denied entry to use the restroom. The female was uncooperative and combative when contacted by the officers and she had to be physically restrained : I’m not saying this was me, but LAST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE NO REGRETS

Professor of Communication and Sociology Manuel Castells received Norway’s Holberg International Memorial Prize for scholarly work : meanwhile, in the film school, I’ve been updating a Twitter and am super psyched for Game of Thrones

Unemployment rate for recently graduated undergraduate engineering students dropped to 2 percent : meanwhile, in the film school…. Moooommm?

The former general manager of the Coliseum pled guilty to a felony charge of (profitable) conflict of interest : the court was not behind his original guilty plea to “being too awesome”

USC Career Center and the Office of Postdoctoral Affairs held a panel advising Ph.D. students on how to use their degrees : “come on, guys, it’s not – well, okay, for some of you it’s rocket science.”

Loss Prevention officers observed a suspect in Superior Grocers pick up several boxes of toothpaste and place them in a plastic bag he was carrying : you know what the most profitable street drug is these days?? Cocaine. Still cocaine. We don’t know what that guy’s doing with toothpaste

DPS officers responded to a report of a student entering the John Stauffer Pharmaceutical Science Center in violation of a university-issued “stay away” letter : the Pharmaceutical Science Center never seems to end relationships without a ton of drama

A student reported her wallet missing and subsequently learned that a suspect had used one of her credit cards to make several unauthorized purchases : I have the same problem with Drunk Me, she’s still on the loose and ordering several humans’ worth of food from TG Express a couple times a week

USC acceptance rate drops four percentage points : harder to get into as time goes on? Sounds like me and USC have that in common

USC professor offered book deal from Qaddafi : I guess even evil dictators aren’t above doing the whole Tupac thing now

student reported that someone has been dumping garbage on the back porch of her apartment for several weeks and a DPS investigation revealed that another student who lives in a neighboring apartment was responsible : whatever happened to pulling pigtails

USG expresses full support for the Master Plan to renovate the UV and a majority of students are in favor of the plan according to a USG poll : though opposition to the master plan has all come from the neighboring non-USC community, a recent USG poll result showed student opinion on them to be “what is the neighboring non-USC community”

Mayor Villaraigosa said he intends to shift his focus for the remainder of his time in office to the city’s transportation system, the education system and building connections with the global community : reversing his previous stance that those issues were “useless bullshit”

Poll says the economy was previously the key divider between Republicans and Democrats, but social issues are starting to gain a stronger hold and a record 51 percent of Americans believe that religious conservatives have too much control over the GOP : religious conservatives believe Obama, illegal aliens and masturbating are controlling everyone else’s faulty opinions anyway

Phase 1 of Expo Line scheduled to open April 28 : finally

Nikias discusses graduate leadership : unsure at this point but sources say he was “for it”

Photo credit: Grace Talice Lee