If this is a basketball, I’m not messing this up yet.

We got there 45 minutes early to be one of the first 1000, to get a free bag.

Bags weren’t for students. Whatever this “Trojan Fever” is, it must be the reason everyone’s at home.

But tickets are free! And shirts are five bucks! With sunglasses! Hell yes!

Why can’t I find where they sell beer…

I’m enjoying watching these men stretch a lot more than I thought I would.

There is a guy whose job it is to return balls when they’re warming up? Aw. I bet he needs a friend.

And that girl who has to mop up sweat. I hope they hang out.

We’re down by like ten points. I’m not sure if this is a lot.

On the plus side, each time we make a basket we cheer like we won everything!

We need to campaign for those tiny 70s basketball shorts. I’ve seen plenty of women’s legs at this game, the universe needs balance.

They pass out free pizza to part of the student section?! If I DON’T GET A FREE PIZZA I’M GOING TO BITE A DANCE TEAM GIRL

Free pizza! SC is feeling a little like a rich lonely kid who’d like to buy my friendship. And it has been bought.

There is pizza all over me.

We’re down by like twenty points. I think our problem is we don’t make baskets enough.

We have three sets of cheerleaders! The labor seems to be divided into yelling into cones and clapping, satisfying our lust for traditional-looking cheerleaders, and being song girls who point their toes more.

The Jumbotron cameras are mostly pointed at hot girls in the student section who aren’t paying attention. There aren’t more people winning things or husky boys dancing we could be focusing on??

I imagine the dance team girls and the song girls sit on opposite sides of the court, doing essentially the same routines, just hating the shit out of each other. Spirit leaders seem nice.

We’re really running out of time for the whole inspirational comeback thing” And half the audience just left”

Well, we are not very good at this men’s basketball thing.

On the plus side, sunglasses!!