Gold Mom Fountain Review
Fountain Location: 34th Street, in between Leavey
Library and Trousdale
Hey there, Gold Mom. I see you. I get it. I promise you, I
do. You’re new. You just want to fit in. You were embarrassed about the
controversy and publicity when you were first installed, late 2009. You stand
boldly in a prominent part of campus, especially for underclassmen, visible
from McCarthy Quad and the Finger Fountain. There’s a lot going on with you, so
although you’re not perfect, I don’t think anyone expected you to be.
The ugly, reflective brass gold you showed up wearing was probably your first
and most obvious misstep. But as the sheer faded with time, we grew to accept
you more, and freshmen don’t even realize how youthful and naïve you really are.
If you were wiser, you would have realized that your set up is a bit of an
impose. Only an outsider would foolishly pave over a quarter of that small quad
next to Leavey; we only have so many grassy areas on campus. Why take some of
what little we have away from us? Rookie mistake, Gold Mom.
Another blight that reveals your inexperienced outsider
background is this faux-modern wavy design you’re trying to pull off. Sure, the
casual student would blindly accept your sculpted curves. But the generic manufactured
structure, caustically buffed over in unattractive spirals, is an insult to
those serious about their fountains. Anyone taking a second look at you will
undoubtedly be disappointed with the promise of elegant modern art you so
immaturely break.
Aesthetics and Presentation – 8. Honestly, would
have been higher if you hadn’t promised so much and under-delivered. You don’t
have to try so hard, Gold Mom. We understand you and are welcoming to
newcomers. It’ll be okay if you just accept that you’re not as modern as you
think.
Functionality ““ 7.5. Great for looking at, all
right for dipping your feet in, but terrible for throwing a Frisbee or
appreciating the grassy parts of campus. Points off for unnecessary pavement
surrounding your base.
Fountain run potential ““ 9. Get ready for the
Gold Mom dash following the high of being allowed to swim through the Leavey
fountain. Also: the I’m getting into your
Mom jokes.
Purpose ““ 8. Improved north campus aesthetics
and brilliant sound. Points off for paving over grass, as stated above.
Final verdict ““ 8.5. A newcomer to the fountain
game on campus, making a few rookie mistakes and not fully understanding its
role on campus, but otherwise a correctly-executed piece that only suffers from
promising a little too much.
Check back
next wednesday for another edition of The Drink, USC’s premier fountain review.
