Coors Light
Why It Sucks
Coors Light tastes significantly worse to me than anything
else. It seems to be everyone else’s favorite. It is, however, the first beer I
ever drank and thought “Jesus, this tastes significantly worse to me than
anything else.” Coors is a leading innovator in stupid things to add to your
cans so you can charge more in the name of science.
Why I Drink It
My friends won’t stop buying it.
Why You’d Drink It
The color-changing mountains and “vents” in the top make it…
Better. Or you’re most people I know.
Keystone Light / Natural/Natty Light
Why They Suck
The most watery of the list, I can’t tell these apart. Natty
has a sweet nickname and since “natural” presumably means organic, healthy,
free-range, or something like that, of the pair, it wins.
Why I Drink It
They’re both gross but drinking them reminds me of the other
mistakes I made freshman year in addition to drinking them, so, you know,
nostalgia.
Why You’d Drink It
You’ve ever set foot in a frat house. Also, excellent way to stay hydrated as you binge drink.
Bud Light
Why It Sucks
It’s the slightly classier but less fun and still not classy
average older brother of Natty and Keystone. The John or Steve of beers.
Why I Drink It
I’ll hang around the average older brother and make small
talk if he’s there. He’s all right.
Why You’d Drink It
Bud Light is probably not anyone’s favorite, but it’s fine.
And TWINS
Caguama
Why It Sucks
You don’t see Caguama super often because I’ve heard it
described as “pee” and “battery acid,” and what the other supercheap beers have going for them is their chuggability due to a lack of taste.
Why I Drink It
The turtle association is cute and distracting
enough for me to remember it fondly. For reals.
Why You’d Drink It
You’ll try anything once. That is probably the only reason.
Miller Light
Why It Sucks
Has an OK, sometimes white trash reputation, but you take
that back because it was my Nana’s favorite.
Why I Drink It
In Nana’s words, it’s the best because it tastes like corn.
Why You’d Drink It
Uh, did you not read that? The best. Corn.
