When polled randomly about their heterosexual lady-friends’
objects of affection, 96% of female students claimed a decisive “she could do
so much better!” Follow up quotes from those surveyed were illuminating about
the reasons why:

“I tell her she could do so much better every day,” one
freshman says sadly. “In a world with, like, Ryan Gosling, Orlando Bloom and Edward
Cullen, why should my friends put up with anything less?”

“I saw a documentary about love called Pirates of the Caribbean, and I don’t understand why Becca’s
putting up with anything less than a hot pirate-hero,” one junior adds.

“I saw a different documentary called Ryan Reynolds,” her classmate says. “Ryan Reynolds is so much
better than that guy she keeps seeing.”

“All the good guys are just wrapped up in these stupid
fictional idealizations of women! We’re not all Scarlett Johansson!” says one
outraged student. “And if they’d just wake up and take a look around, all the
Ryan Goslings would be our boyfriends!”

“I. Love. Ryan Gosling,” said four passing girls in unison.

If one thing is clear from this friends’-dating-pool
dissatisfaction, it’s that college guys are not Ryan Gosling ““ and these young
women aren’t going to stand for it anymore.