By: Frank the Janitor, Pardee Tower


That’s it. You’ve really done it, now. I wasn’t kidding, 4th
floor””today, I’m sitting at home and watching The Price is Right in my La-Z-boy
and slippers. Not cleaning up your disgusting filth.


No siree Bob. Dried toothpaste all over the sink? Not my
problem. Someone took a dump and didn’t flush the toilet for the 900th
time? Flush it yourself. Because I’ve had enough of it.


If it wasn’t enough that you had to throw toilet paper rolls
all over the bathroom, or vomit in the shower stalls, did you really have to
hide that stink bomb under the tank fill in the toilet, so I couldn’t find it
for a week?


You people really disgust me.


It’s not like I even wanted this job. But some of us have
mouths to feed. I guess you wouldn’t understand that, though, would you, 4th
floor? No, it’s all fun and games with you. “Look at me, I’m in college!
Weeee!” You should be glad that you can even go to college. Those bills don’t
pay themselves, you know. Yeesh. Kids these days.


No, if I had my choice, I’d rather be managing my own
business instead of cleaning up after you gremlins. But not all of us have nice
mommies and daddies that’ll pay for our M.B.A’s. I’m lucky if I can even get a
word from my dad, let alone a dollar.


But you don’t care. You’re probably too busy playing your
gameboy or Z-Box or whatever they call it. How you can even afford one of those
god damn machines is still beyond me. Try paying a solid month of rent on your
own. Ha!


I bet you guys couldn’t last a day without me. Who’s going
to refill your paper towel dispenser now? I guess you’ll just have to wipe your
hands on your pants, instead. And who’s going to replace your soap dispenser,
with the fancy schmancy aloe vera and antibacterial mumbo jumbo? Maybe you poor
things will get sick from the germy-wermies! Serves you right.


Aw jeez, if all you hell-raisers were sick, I couldn’t
imagine the mess in the bathroom. All the barf and snot and diarrhea. Jesus,
it’d be disgusting. I’d have my work cut out for me for a week.


I really hope there’s enough soap in the soap dispenser to
last you at least through the day, then. Man, when was the last time I replaced
that…Monday? Tuesday? I can’t even remember. Maybe it was even last week. Oh
no. It’ll be almost gone by now.


And think of all the mess there’d be after two whole days.
The whole floor is probably covered in toilet paper right now. It makes me feel
bad for that poor kid at the end of the hall, Jimmy, who always says thank you
when he sees me scraping feces from the toilet.


Speaking of, I bet the toilets are a real mess by now. What,
with all the toilet paper wads you guys leave in there. Now that’s really no
way to live. Having to use facilities like that when all you really want to do
is take a crap…


But too bad. I’m not coming in. Nope. I’m not changing out
of my bathrobe today, that’s for sure.




OK, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.