“Surviving the snow?”
“Staying warm?”
“Isn’t it cold out?”
Yes, we’re surviving.
No we are not warm – it’s fucking freezing out to answer the last question as
well.
We’ve all been here. Every state save for Florida (those
bastards) has gotten hit hard with snow this winter and temperatures across the
country are breaking record lows. We know ““ it’s winter. It’s cold. It’s cold
every winter. It snows every winter. It’s really shocking to all of us.
Yet despite winter’s typical brutality, people seem
persistently amazed and in awe of these conditions. You walk in to class, take
your seat, take off your coat (+ however many layers you need to withstand the
frigid temps) and the first thing you hear someone say?
“Damn, it’s cold outside.”
Now, we at Campus Basement would never want to sound
sarcastic, but seriously ““ we get it. Be more constructive with your small
talk. Instead of merely lamenting about the cold, at the very least make some
creative and detailed metaphors and similes about it.
“It feels colder than dwarf planet Pluto’s largest satellite,
Charon, which due to its distance from the sun and disadvantageous orbital
structure, has an average temperature of -220 Celsius!”
Or something to that effect.
