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US News & World Report’s #4 University in the Nation
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loganor
January 25, 2012 at 6:45 pm
If you ever doubted our intelligence, our drive, our maturity or our passion for learning - look no further. This is clearly the work of a student at one of the best universities in the world.
Kill, Fuck, Marry: Cheese. Slow Jamz Edition.
This week I have a lot of work. I am also creating the greatest article ever written for campus basement of all time in the history of the world ever. While you are waiting, please enjoy my KFM: C. Kthxbai. MORE »
Spring Break Airport Bingo!!! Git Crunk wit SBAPB!
It’s almost spring break. That means many of you are almost at the airport, about to crack open a brand new Hustler Magazine copy of the newspaper and a KING SIZED SNICKERS bottle of water. While this is a civilized way to kill time, why not make a drunken fool of yourself instead? Campus Basement... MORE »
Columbians Withhold Sex Over Obama Controversy, Barnard Women Rejoice
On Saturday, March 3rd, Lindsay Lohan debuted her new inflatable face on Saturday Night Live, scaring children, parole officers, and Aaron Samuelsez across this great nation. In equally exciting news, March 3rd brought with it the announcement that President Barack Obama will be speaking at Barnard College, the most prestigious of all female colleges barring Rupaul’s... MORE »
The Poop Scoop
Anyone with roommates knows the frustration of the A.M. Bathroom Shuffle. That smelly game of musical chairs where you want to take time for your morning ablutions, but you want to avoid the stench of the morning deuce that preceded yours. Sometimes, you lose this game. Sometimes, you have to brave the wild and lawless... MORE »
Shit to Read Whilst Shitting: A Series
So you’re sitting on the crapper. You’re trying to squeeze out all those Valentine’s Day candies you inhaled while watching BOTH Bridget Jones’ movies. You need a distraction. What better distraction than tales from the hood? Rappers have enticed us for years with stories of “going hard on a ho” and “sticky green” and “bling”.... MORE »
Our Boyfriends Have the Same Name
This is a belated Valentine’s Day gift. It’s not for you but you’ll probably enjoy it anyway. Happy 15th of February!!!! MORE »
New Semester Resolutions
They say you should shoot for the moon, because if you miss you’ll land among the stars. Clearly whoever said this has no concept of physics. You will obviously just bypass the moon and hurtle into the dark recesses of space until you fizzle into a fried bit of nothing when you pass a burning... MORE »
Shit to Read Whilst Shitting: A Series
In the realm of all things holy, there is nothing more sacred than in-taking knowledge while excreting yesterday’s John Jay omelets. But when the unlabeled caffeinated (possibly decaffeinated) coffee begins racing down your digestive tract like a decloseted freshman to First Friday, what do you do when you’ve already read that Taylor Swift Cosmo about... MORE »
The T.A.’s Dilemma
I can usually be found sleeping in a chair in the library, drooling on the oversized sweatshirt I wore with equally large sweatpants. Obviously it’s not a matching sweatsuit ““ that would be just plain tacky. If I’m not sleeping in the library I’m watching hulu and eating something with a loud, distracting wrapper next... MORE »
Welcome to Columbia’s Campus Basement!
4 years of really smart people crammed in the same 8 block radius? HILARITY ENSUES. Come here to campusbasement/columbia to read about it! Join the site and post content yourself! We can become friends here, then friends on facebook, then I can give a speech at your wedding! Thanks for stopping by, and… go Lions?... MORE »
Kill, Fuck, Marry: Cheese. Slow Jamz Edition.
This week I have a lot of work. I am also creating the greatest article ever written for campus basement of all time in the history of the world ever. While you are waiting, please enjoy my KFM: C. Kthxbai. MORE »
Studying for Finals: I don’t .gif a Sh*t
It’s time for the last adderall binge push. One more round of finals season, and my 16 years of taking tests and writing papers will be over. After 16 years of schoolwork – yes I’m including elementary school, because multiplication tables were fucking hard – I should have finals studying down to a science. Honestly,... MORE »
Multitasking in College
As a college student in the big city of New York, my life is a blur. Not because I am constantly drunk, but because I am so busy that each day never seems to slow down. With all of my Hulu watching and class skipping, how will I ever get enough minutes for dinner cooking,... MORE »
Senior Fund Gifts I Would Actually Donate To…
I’m no math major, but I’m pretty sure college is expensive. After four years of paying for alcohol food, and for drugs dorms, and for hookers books, I am pretty much done giving my hard earned bucks to this institution. Instead of understanding my grievances, the school is asking that I shell out even more... MORE »
There are not enough midgets in Europe: And other lessons I learned on my Spring Break jaunt across the Pond
I’m not normally extravagant or glamorous. I steal packets of honey from coffee shops and eat them as a “balanced meal” on a regular basis. So my decision to spend my hard-earned money on an 11 day trek through Europe surprised even me. But spend it I did. While it was my Spring Break, and... MORE »
Brackets that are Actually Worth Making
I love brackets. They are the parentheses’ ugly cousin. [They are the boxy, Khloe Kardashian to the sumptuous curves of the Kim Kardashian-like parenthesis) Want to know what bracket I’m not so keen on? The March Madness bracket. I grew up with the Lakers and the Clippers, people. I’ve seen professionals fight and whine like... MORE »
Spring Break Airport Bingo!!! Git Crunk wit SBAPB!
It’s almost spring break. That means many of you are almost at the airport, about to crack open a brand new Hustler Magazine copy of the newspaper and a KING SIZED SNICKERS bottle of water. While this is a civilized way to kill time, why not make a drunken fool of yourself instead? Campus Basement... MORE »
The Poop Scoop
Anyone with roommates knows the frustration of the A.M. Bathroom Shuffle. That smelly game of musical chairs where you want to take time for your morning ablutions, but you want to avoid the stench of the morning deuce that preceded yours. Sometimes, you lose this game. Sometimes, you have to brave the wild and lawless... MORE »
Shit to Read Whilst Shitting: A Series
So you’re sitting on the crapper. You’re trying to squeeze out all those Valentine’s Day candies you inhaled while watching BOTH Bridget Jones’ movies. You need a distraction. What better distraction than tales from the hood? Rappers have enticed us for years with stories of “going hard on a ho” and “sticky green” and “bling”.... MORE »
Our Boyfriends Have the Same Name
This is a belated Valentine’s Day gift. It’s not for you but you’ll probably enjoy it anyway. Happy 15th of February!!!! MORE »
KFM: Cheese
Some people knit when they procrastinate. My roommate and I do this. KFM: C #3 We are going for some classic cheeses today. These are the kind of cheeses you’d probably take to prom or your grandma’s house or a church potluck. At the church potluck you’d probably also eat these cheeses. THAT’S HOW CLASSIC... MORE »
If Disney Princesses Went to College
When the ladies of Disney were actually alive, a college degree was superfluous. I’m using the word superfluous because, unlike Ariel, I didn’t get married to a prince at 16 and I’m going to need to know big words to get a job. It’s not like I want to be a gold-digging, amphibious ho– but I’m just a little... MORE »
Now We Write About Sports! And We Take Steroids While We Do It!
I don’t know if you know this, but Columbia has athletics. Just kidding – of all the student groups here, the athletes are the ones that could most likely beat me up. So I shouldn’t be mean. Until all the a capella groups form a huge, brass-knuckled alliance, I am going to report on sports... MORE »
New Semester Resolutions
They say you should shoot for the moon, because if you miss you’ll land among the stars. Clearly whoever said this has no concept of physics. You will obviously just bypass the moon and hurtle into the dark recesses of space until you fizzle into a fried bit of nothing when you pass a burning... MORE »
10 Ridiculously Impractical Ways to Stay Warm This Winter (Columbia)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! 1. Cook this. Instead of consuming, wear it. 2. (For females) Go through menopause early. Use hot flashes to your advantage. 3. Become obese. Every step is... MORE »
Year in Review 2011 (Columbia)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! There are two days left in 2011. I’ve tried my best to sum up the other 363 days. I have sat in front of my computer... MORE »
The History of the Christmas Sweater (Columbia)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! Long before things like “tweeting” and “Kardashian”, there existed a Christmas tradition so fantastical that it almost hurts to write about it. After a long December... MORE »
A Fortnight of my Weird-Ass Christmas Playlist Pt. 5
Today I took two finals. Also, Kim Jon Il died. These events are unrelated, but this song will probably be enjoyed by both students in need of post-final christmas cheer, and deceased dictators. That’s all I have to say. I’m gonna study for another final now. #stabmeintheface. MORE »
A Fortnight of my Weird-Ass Christmas Playlist Pt. 4
Today, whilst working in the lovely new Science and Engineering Library with the overpriced-yet-delicious coffee, I didn’t see any mistletoe. I didn’t see any jolly bearded men with rosy cheeks and jiggly tummies. I didn’t see softly glowing lights, and gifts wrapped in festive and environmentally-unfriendly paper. I did see vomit, and poop, in the... MORE »
A Fortnight of my Weird-Ass Christmas Playlist Pt. 3
I’m in class right now. Would I rather be administering an enema to Santa after he ate all his Christmas cookies? Would I rather give Mrs. Claus a brazilian bikini wax? You decide. (Hint: Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes) Enjoy this jingle while you cry into a textbook! MORE »