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Day 1
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March 3, 2011 at 11:40 am
Syracuse students are HAPPY
This is Syracuse University’s edition of Pharrell’s “Happy”! The happiest students and staff took a break from the “Finals Week blues” and joined the Happy Team as we spread happiness all over campus. Thank you to each and every one of you who happily danced to lift our peers’ spirits. You are loved. MORE »
Syracuse student claims to be Hannah Montana
Sophomore PR major, Hannah Melton, claims to be the real Hannah Montana after getting her wisdom teeth removed. Has the real Hannah Montana been walking among us at Syracuse? MORE »
Boeheim Shits on Podium After Georgetown Loss
Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim walked to the postgame press conference podium after his reeling team’s 61-39 embarrassment at No. 5 Georgetown Saturday, undid his pants, dropped a steaming, rancid turd just below the microphone, and walked out. “You want an opening statement?” An irate Boeheim asked as he undid his belt. “Here’s my... MORE »
Pope resigns, realizes there is no God after hearing Pauly D will be playing at Syracuse University
Catholics around the world were shocked to hear that Pope Benedict XVI had resigned from his position as “THE CLOSEST PERSON TO GOD ON EARTH.” He tells sources at Campus Basement that the departure comes from fatigue, old age, and University Union’s Winter Carnival line-up. “They were hyping the students up, saying, ‘oh get ready,... MORE »
30 Rock and other shows insult Syracuse, must be destroyed
Tina Fey’s long running show, 30 Rock, will be airing its hour-long series finale tonight at 8/7 central on NBC. Let it be known that this was not Fey’s decision to end the show- it was the higher power of Syracuse University. Fey’s character, Liz Lemon, is the head writer of a variety show starring... MORE »
Phone Screenshots Officially Confirm Syracuse is Coldest Place Ever
Syracuse University students posted hundreds of smart phone screenshots of the city’s weather to social media in the past three days, officially confirming the city is “literally, like, THE coldest place ever.” The sheer number of screenshots showing temperatures that ranged from -65 degrees Celsius to 10 degrees Fahrenheit alarmed scientists, who quickly confirmed the... MORE »
The Differences Between Fall and Spring Semester
Welcome back to Syracuse everybody! You may be wondering what’s so different about this semester than the last, so we here at Campus Basement are proud to present our comparative guide to help you transition into the new semester. MORE »
Hockey’s Back! …and there was much rejoicing
I woke up today thinking it would be any regular Sunday: completely naked, my head laying over the side of my bed, desperately trying to avoid the sunrise shining through the pathetic excuse for curtains and onto my face. But then I saw the news, that glorious and long-awaited news, that the NHL lockout has... MORE »
Three reasons moving out of a dorm makes you want to rip apart the student body
1) For all you Resident Advisors, I’ve been there. I get it. You have to close this campus down and invariably there will be some asshole who doesn’t want to leave the dorm by 6pm Sunday afternoon which means you won’t get out of here until long after your sanity and patience have skidaddled. More... MORE »
Hillary Clinton visits campus; SU jizzes itself
Well unless you’ve managed to block Twitter, Facebook, RSS Feeds (do people still use these?), your school email, OTN, the DO, and the bulletin boards around campus in an effort to increase your pre-finals productivity (LOLZ jk, we see through your attempts), then here’s the scoop: Today, at 12pm, in Hendricks Chapel, Hillary Clinton provided... MORE »
How the evil universe views college students
Dear non-seniors, It has come to our attention that the most recently graduating class of 2012 did not pay enough for college. While most SU students spent approximately $200,000 on their education, we now deem this is not enough. (Which honestly surprised us – we originally anticipated that charging students roughly $20 per meal at... MORE »
Otherwise aimless students find self-purpose in dissent against UU
Ah, college. Since freshman year, we’ve been surrounded by so many resources, so many options. So many minds filled with thoughts of wonder, inspiration, and encouragement to make the future world a better world by saving the seals, protecting the rainforests, fighting for gender equality, or simply convincing people to switch to CFL light bulbs.... MORE »
Students prepare for re-release of Titanic with nauseating techniques
“She won’t stop singing,” says Maxwell Tully, junior in Whitman and boyfriend of Rachel Lough who recently purchased a boombox circa 1997 and the original Titanic soundtrack and has been belting Celine Dion for the past two weeks straight. “I clearly couldn’t use my iPod,” Lough says, “they didn’t exist in 1997 – YOU’RE HEEERREEE!... MORE »
Students Mourn Tournament Loss with “Mad Men” Premiere
“I couldn’t stop grieving,” Sam Bolindy said, Chucks pitcher still in hand since Saturday night. “I needed to ease my pain. I knew I had to move on, but I didn’t know how.” And that’s when Bolindy traded his pitcher of $4 beer in for an Old Fashioned early Sunday and drowned his sorrows in... MORE »
Victims of Instagram cite disappointment with spring break photos as symptom
“I was having the time of my life, yknow? Off on the beaches of Puerto Rico, thinking all these inevitably gorgeous pictures I am taking will surely come out wonderfully…And then, I looked back at them and I couldn’t believe my eyes.” What junior Felicity Coughman is describing is a recent affliction among iPhone/iPad and... MORE »
Three reasons drinking alone is better than going to a bar on Marshall St
I’d like to state that I am not an alcoholic. But I do like a good drink. What I don’t like is going down to DJs/Chucks/Lucys/Flip Night and waiting for seemingly decades to get to the bar only to find out their drink selection is based on lackluster liquor and even shittier beer. Why bother?... MORE »
Cuse Weekend in a Box!
Feeling like you really want to head to the bars this weekend but don’t have the oomph? Can’t justify the trek from Ackerman to Faegans in the chilly temps? Wish you could simply have the Chucks experience in your living room? Then fear no more ““ Campus Basement is here to service you (and your... MORE »
After dining hall prices increase, students expect Marshall St cuisine in Ernie Davis
If you thought school was expensive when you enrolled at Syracuse University, think again – the prices have just gone up. Meal plans are slated to average $3,120 per 14 week semester for the 2012-2013academic year. “I did the math,” sophomore Jeremy Lukeidis said. “If I could spend the money on the food I want... MORE »
Three Epic Wins in One Week But…
I don’t know a lot about sports. I get the gist of it, but beyond that, the hype and the hoopla usually bore me. That being said, I support our basketball team as much as the next orange-clad fan and attend the games, yell Scoop’s name, and jump for joy when we beat the shit... MORE »
A Breakdown of Winter Weather Habits
This Syracusean winter (or lack thereof) has certainly been weird to say the least. No snow on the ground and warm, sunny days in February? Nice try, 315, cut the shit. While we’re sure these are the early signs of the 2012 apocalypse, in your remaining time before the world ends, find out what your... MORE »
Shit Syracuse Students Say
A Syracusean parody of Shit People Say brought to you by the Campus Basement: Syracuse Staff (including writer and actress Nicole Grabert!) with assistance from Ashlie Daubert and Anne Marie Suchanek. Looks like The Newshouse has their own version of Shit Syracuse Girls Say. Watch it! It’s really funny. MORE »
Follett’s Bookstore closing; Managers presumably now among the 1%
In spite of Occupy Wall Street and other “Occupy” movements that have cited the growing discrepancies in the distribution of wealth, it appears the 99% have lost additional fellow comrades: Follets Bookstore is closing in February as its managers and owners have set their eyes on trading in their 99% working class attire for new... MORE »
In response to Notre Dame’s win, Syracuse students deny Irish heritage
Following a record-breaking season, Syracuse basketball lost its first game tonight against the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. “We’re protesting,” senior James O’Conner says. “Anyone of Irish descent is officially changing said heritage tonight.” With that, O’Conner immediately crossed off his name on his student ID to Ezekial Monora. “I really didn’t know what wasn’t Irish,... MORE »
To the Syracuse University graduating class of 2012….
Ah, the dawn of a spring semester at Syracuse University ““ a time when spring itself is nothing but a thought over yonder, behind the mile-high snow banks and record-breaking wind chills. A time when students return to campus and thus, rejoice in their awaiting academia, frolicking to the thought of cold nights spent curled... MORE »
Best Pranks to Play On Your Roommates If You Get to School Before Them (Cuse)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! 1. Cover the room in sand and bring in a new roommate. Tell them they’ve been voted off the island. 2. Set up a live studio... MORE »
Sex and Health: A response to the recent DO column
Following the recent highly-researched and well-articulated Daily Orange column, the dynamics of Syracuse University students and their sexual relations have dramatically shifted. While once upon a time, all undergrads were created equally ““ each frolicking in the unmade bed of another ““ now it seems, each student must adhere to the social and romantic protocol... MORE »
Additional tours added to SU for current and incoming students to see Michael Jordan’s daughter’s room
Greeting current or incoming students! Are you tired or bored with the same ole, same ole that SU has shown you? Are you frustrated with ho-hum tours that only reveal inaccurate depictions of dorm room sizes, dining hall food, and expensive classroom materials that you will pay for but never be allowed to use? Are... MORE »
Screening passes to Bad Teacher!!
Are you in Syracuse for the summer? Are you looking for something exciting to do this month? (Psst – Faegan’s is closed on the weekends during summer and DJ’s is closed for the entire summer What are we going to do with ourselves?!.) Well then, look no further! Brought to you by Columbia... MORE »
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