Syracuse University students have noticed strange things happening around campus. No, not the color of the squirrels. Many horrified students have begun to realize that a thick fleece layer has begun developing on their upper torso and their feet.
“It was like 60 out today, so I went to take off my Uggs and Northface…and I couldn’t take off my Uggs and Northface. It was as if they had adhesed to my skin.” says a horrified sophomore who prefers to remain anonymous.
Scientists believe that Syracuse’s near-arctic climate has caused a disturbance in the normal evolutionary patterns of its students.
“Their bodies are just naturally reacting to the cold by producing extra layers for warmth. Brand name layers. These are Long Island kids we’re talking about” says a scientist.
Students are split over the ramifications of such an event, with half being horrified and the other half being “pretty damn excited that I got a free NorthFace.” There is one thing that all students can agree on, though:
“WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN SOMETHING COOLER THAN NORTHFACE AND UGGS COMES OUT?!”
Only evolution will tell.
