In accordance with trending student behavior, Ramapo
College’s Office of Dining Services plans to unveil the Pay Caf Pocket It as the institution’s newest meal plan option for
the Spring 2012 semester. For the one-time low fee of zero dollars, students
who purchase the Pay Caf Pocket It
will have the ability to “steal as much shit as they can get their hands on,”
according to Arthur Paxton, head of Ramapo Dining Services. Paxton continues,
“Upon choosing this meal plan, students will be provided with a hooded
sweatshirt with one of those connecting pockets in the front. You stick your
hands in there with a chicken parm hero and you’re good to go.”
A featured attribute of the Pay Caf Pocket It is the “Pass Through.” Students who sign up for
the meal plan can walk into Pay Caf from one side and walk out the other as if
they were merely taking a shortcut to Birch- several Odwalla bars and bags of
Sun Chips will be stolen in the process of course.
“My favorite aspect of the meal plan is the “Complete
Douchebag,” states Eileen Santiago, one of Pay Caf’s card swiping personnel.
The “CD” feature affords students the opportunity to walk right past the check
out area with their heads held high as if they already paid for their items.
Santiago confesses, “I used to act as if I didn’t see students doing this all
the time because frankly, I don’t care. Now I don’t even have to pretend!”
For a limited time, Ramapo will be offering a two-for-one
incentive, where subscribers of Pay Caf
Pocket It will also receive a new form of Ramapo dollars that can be used
for shoplifting items from the bookstore under the college’s Fuck it, Just Take It plan.