“Remember the Haitian Earthquake? And the one in Chile? And
how they fucked up the earth’s axis and length of the day?”

“Have you seen Japan recently?”

“Just take a look at the northern African coast and Middle

Students are heeding what seem like signs of the apocalypse.
By making clubs in anticipation of the world’s demise or hosting
Armageddon-themed parties, students across the country appear armed to make the
most out of doomsday.

“We’re having a 2012 bake sale for our philanthropy!” Says
Zeta Delta Beta rep Melissa Surilious. “I still don’t really know what the
proceeds will go to, but better make money now, right?”

“I’m thinking of a doomsday pong tournament. Who’s in!?!”
Says Zach Jameson, sophomore at Ballstate University.

“Definitely throwing a “T-Minus” party ““ like T minus
however long till the end? C’mon it’s clever,” Jessica Ritzen says of FSU.

While students are inadvertently appropriating fun and
entertainment to the signs of the apocalypse, their professors appear

“I’ll just be thankful when the day comes that I don’t have
to teach lectures of low level science classes to students who are drunk, hung
over, passed out, or god forbid, texting on their crotches. No one smiles at
your inseam, you delinquents,” claims Professor Wilks of Tulane University.