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tagged apocalypse »
11 Surefire Signs the World is Going to End on 11/11/11
Today is 11/11/11, the most monumentally exciting and important day since 10/10/10 simply because since the world didn’t end then, it most surely will end today, right? Right. But just in case you’re skeptical about the sure destruction of the Earth, below is your checklist of occurrences that will ensure that today is... MORE »
Why Netflix REALLY Decided to Get Rid of Qwikster
Los Gatos shone in the setting sunlight. Reed Hastings, CEO of Netflix, felt as powerful as the mountain lions for which the city was named as he gazed out from his corner office. He had the past of home entertainment by the throat, ready to rend so that the future could live. Soon, only months... MORE »
HIPSTER APOCALYPSE – DEADLY OUTBREAK AT SU CONFIRMED
The AP reported this evening that Syracuse University has confirmed cases of “Hipster-ism,” a serious disease threatening to ruin the reputations of the entire millennial generation, in a vast number of students across the campus. SU Chancellor Nancy Cantor released the following statement Friday evening in response to rumors that the epidemic had reached the home of the Orange.... MORE »
Carmageddon: A Trojan Story of Survival
For the last several weeks it has been virtually impossible to possess ears and simultaneously be unaware of the apocalyptic closing of the 405 freeway. Even then, earless Southern Californians knew about Carmageddon, maybe even sooner than the rest of us because they can sense the impending terror through vibrations in the ground, probably. As... MORE »
Students Form End of the World Clubs on Campus
“Remember the Haitian Earthquake? And the one in Chile? And how they fucked up the earth’s axis and length of the day?” “Have you seen Japan recently?” “Just take a look at the northern African coast and Middle East.” Students are heeding what seem like signs of the apocalypse. By making clubs in anticipation of... MORE »
BREAKING NEWS: The Cornell Apocalypse is Near
Well, it’s official. The world is ending. After a two week hiatus from Four Loko, students everywhere have been on edge. Life just isn’t the same – people wake up and actually know where they are, with their dignities still intact. THIS IS UNHEARD OF. Long gone are the days of passing out outside of... MORE »
Facebook Is Down: Millions of College Students Friendless
On September 23rd, 2010 the entire world saw the near sighting of the apocalypse. Facebook, as we know it, was down. Millions of college students attempted to login, only to be met with a blank page that read “DNS Error” – a term only iSchool students could understand. “I didn’t know what to do!” exclaimed... MORE »