This week’s “Week in Review” is dedicated to TMZ and all of the other media outlets that deliver the “real” news on a regular basis.
She’s Just Being High”¦ly
Miley Cyrus’ new music video features the teen sensation
with her same candy-coated shtick – except this time the singer allegedly takes
a hit of Salvia, one of the few still legal hallucinogenic drugs. Cyrus
immediately gained media attention condemning her for doing just that –
consuming a legal substance. Because in the grand scheme of priorities,
damning a teenager not smoking or drinking underage but actually doing
something legal should clearly be a top concern.
Take Two
This week, a video of Miley Cyrus taking a massive bong hit
went viral. Fortunately for her, it was confirmed that she wasn’t smoking
marijuana but a natural herb called salvia, which is legal in the state of
California. Lindsay Lohan was distraught, declaring, “I thought I taught
her to go big or go home.”
Take Three
18-year-old pop singing sensation Miley Cyrus was caught
smoking out of a bong on video. When asked for comment, she blamed it on her
fictional alter-ego, Hannah Montana. And that girl that gave an erotic lapdance
to that movie producer openly in public was Hannah too. And that scandalous
crotch shot from a few months ago – also Hannah.
Columbian Drug Circle
Looks like South America isn’t the only place to host to a
Columbian drug circle. This week, five
students at Columbia University in New York were arrested on drug charges.
One of the drug-dealing students even went as far as stating that he threw “da
sickest party,” leaving police to conclude that Ivy Leaguers are even
arrogant when it comes to getting arrested. Miley Cyrus later confirmed that
the student did, in fact, throw da sickest party.
Heh heh heh”¦Doody.
A student at Boston
University set up a website to rate girls, similar to the initial
conception of Facebook. Facebook and Rate BU have another similarity too: both
have nerdy founders who rated girls that they had no chance of sleeping with.
(Note #1: the student’s name was Justin Doody, but there were WAY too many
jokes to make with the name Doody to fit into this Week in Review.) (Note #2:
Miley Cyrus did not fare well on the site, though Hannah Montana was apparently
rated as “totally bangable.”)
Calling All Captains
This week, someone’s name was legally changed to Captain
Awesome. To be fair though, Miley Cyrus was pretty high on salvia when she decided to go through with the name
alteration.
Syracuse Week in Review:
Freshman SU football player charged with South Campus
burglaries
Local Syracuse police arrested an SU freshman responsible
for the South
Campus burglaries that took place over Turkey Break this weekend after an
eye witness saw the student juggling the flat screen TVs, gaming systems, and
computers outside his apartment. The best part? Police were able to follow the
suspect thanks to his footprints left in the 17 feet of snow we got last week.
It is still unknown whether or not Miley Cyrus was the mastermind behind the entire
scheme.
Last week of classes get record amount of snow
While most students were aiming to end their semesters by
getting hammered in peace, Syracuse University got blanketed by more than 100
hours of continual snowfall. The blizzard left many students with too much time
on their hands, which they used to read way too far into Miley Cyrus taking a
hit of salvia.
