It’s almost April, meaning that many students will be graduating in a mere month, attempting to enter the real world filled with real 7:00 wake-ups, real coffee breaks and real sexual harassment lawsuits.

Unfortunately, you will never get to experience the joys of hearing that “Not Guilty” verdict because, according to a recent study, you will never get a job.

This study cannot come as a surprise. After all, you’ve spent the last few months lying awake at night, wondering, “Who the hell would hire me?” Now you know the answer: no one. You’re useless, and the statisticians of the world have caught on to that fact.

Just look at this pie chart.

Pie charts don’t lie. Only a small sliver of the chart has been utilized to illustrate that you won’t get job, with the rest being used to show that there’s a good chance that the pie chart is Christmas colors. There isn’t even an option on the chart to depict your odds of actually getting a job. The stars are not aligned for you. Nor are the pies.

While you may view these latest statistics as a confirmation of your greatest fear (that you spent too much time dicking around in college and now you’ll be just another 20-something with no job and a drinking problem), there is hope.

When asked what you do for a living, consider the following response as an option: “I’m an entrepreneur.” At the very least, it’ll buy you some time to think about what you could possibly be preneuring.

Though, rest assured, whoever you’re talking to will eventually realize that you’re full of shit, and you’ll spend the rest of the day sitting in your underwear, watching day-time TV and feeling sorry for yourself.

Maybe you’re cut out to be an entrepreneur after all”¦