    Sunday afternoon was a time of mourning and lessons well learned for Syracuse Freshman, Jacob Benson. At approximately 2:15 his Ferris Bueller’s Day Off poster, which he kept almost three inches from the ceiling, spontaneously combusted, engulfing his side of the dorm room in flames. “At first I thought I left my steak on my contraband hotplate for too long…And then I remembered all those fireworks I keep next to my hotplate. Then I figured it was probably the open flame from the torch I use to light the room instead of the overhead light that caused the fire. I never would have suspected my poster!”
    This is not the first, but simply an addition to the slew of life-threatening poster/ceiling incidents that have occured this year at Syracuse. RAs and University officials have been working together to police this mess, and have considered a poster ban altogether.
    “THIS IS WHY WE DO ROOM CHECKS!” Jacob’s RA exclaimed. “There’s always one asshole who puts their poster too close to the ceiling, and then friction ignites the poster and we have a crisis on our hands. When will these Freshmen learn? Poster+too close to the ceiling=disaster. I’ve been doing this for years…It doesn’t matter what kind of poster it is. I’ve seen Jonas Brothers posters start a fire just as bad as a Pulp Fiction poster’s fire. These ceilings do not discriminate.”
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