Syracuse’s University Union made a controversial decision this past weekend in regards to their annual “Block Party” headliner. In recent years, the acts have been notable rapper, Drake and college rock band, Guster. After many long, thankless meetings of shouting matches and tears, University Union has decided to announce their decision to let Jesse and the Rippers headline Block Party.
“It was a hard decision to make.” a spokesman for UU said. “we had an offer from Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, but ultimately we decided we wanted to go with a more classic sound for this year’s Block Party; that narrowed it down to Josie and the Pussy Cats, the Twitty-Stevens Connection and Jesse and the Rippers–we ultimately decided to go with Jesse. Besides, Mr. Katsopolis has aged really well and they’re huge in Japan. I mean, HUGE.”
Particular controversy is lingering around the fact that almost no original members of the band are still present, including DJ Tanner’s ex-flame Viper. “Well, from my understanding, Nicky and Alex–the twins, for those who aren’t familiar with Katsopolis’ history–will be filling in on bass and drums while Danny Tanner plays lead guitar. I think that this is going to be a pretty spectacular block party, with an almost 0% chance of a wardrobe malfunction!” the spokesman defended.
Comedian-Ventriloquist Joey Gladstone and his woodchuck dummy will be opening for the band, which has caused a minor uproar among a group of SUNY-ESF students. “His act is stupid and offensive to woodchucks. Mostly just stupid, though.” a prominent anti-Gladstone protestor was quoted saying.
All arguing aside, the entire university community has agreed on one thing: it will be better than the super bowl halftime show.
