I went through and thought of ten pairings of costumes that
could be potentially be touching each other on October’s final day, and
imagined what it would be like if the two people were really doing the nasty.
Bill O’Reilly and Michelle Obama ““
There is so much wrong here. First of all, I refuse to
believe that the First Lady has eyes for anyone other than Mr. President, and I
will take that to my grave. But more than that, I’m pretty sure Bill O’Reilly
is fundamentally against tongue kissing before date number 3, and that dude can
be kind of a stickler for detail. Plus I’m not sure if he’s religiously allowed
to get handsy with Democrats.
Edward Cullen and Hermione Granger ““
Hermione isn’t just cheating on little Ron Weasly here,
she’s cheating on J.K. Rowling, my mom, and everyone who took into question the
legitimacy of a vampire that sparkles and simultaneously likes girls. On that
note, it’s very possible that the little Vampire that couldn’t is really just
trying to hide the raging hard-on for the guy dressed as Jacob Black. We all
know there’s something there. I see it.
Charlie Sheen and the Virgin Mary ““
The most hopeful of the hopeful and the most hopeless of the
hopeless. If these two start going at it, Jesus’s baby mama is going to be in
for a name change (personally, I’m voting for The Sodomized and sideways-fucked
for a line of blow Mary) and is going to have to be wiped from scripture.
Charlie Sheen on the other hand, well, he’ll probably just pay her pretty well.
Michelle Bachman and Jon Stewart ““
First off, going as an old Jewish guy probably wasn’t the
sexiest choice, which would explain why the only ass he’s getting is from the
only chick who could wear a pant suit and have nobody notice, if only because
the things that were coming out of her mouth were far more shameful.
Regardless, Jon Stewart would hopefully just sit and take as many jabs at her as
possible, which would be entertaining for everyone who stayed up and skipped
Truman the Tiger and Big Jay ““
Alright, so maybe Truman took “Fuck Kansas” a little too
literally on this one. Though it’s puzzling to me how Big Jay made it anywhere
around the Mizzou campus without being forcefully and immediately shanked
multiple times in the ribs. Maybe we’re falling off the wagon, step it guys.
Ross Geller and Monica Geller ““
Where do I start. First of all, if anyone actually decided
to dress up as the characters from Friends, they are clearly very, very white.
And that basically means that they’re going as white people, so really
inventive costumes. But Ross and Monica hooking up? That’s just damn
disgusting. SHE’S MARRIED! AND WHAT ABOUT RACHEL, ROSS? THEY WOULD TEAR THE
FRIENDS GROUP APART! THEN WHAT WOULD THE SHOW BE CALLED? AQUAINTANCES? PEOPLE
WHO DON’T REALLY TALK ANYMORE? HOW COULD THEY BE SO SELFISH!!!!
Tony Blair and George W. Bush ““
This was isn’t that ironic, as Bush already fucked Blair out
of office, but don’t try and tell me you wouldn’t snap a cell phone pick of Mr.
President and his whipping boy getting hot and heavy in the basement of the
Frat you snuck into.
James Franklin and A Completed Pass ““
Franklin is a smiley guy. I like that. What I don’t like is
seeing him throw the ball into opposing D-Lines, air it way over wide open
receivers, or honestly seeing him have the ball in his hands in general. When
he starts learning how to throw the ball, him and completed passes can get as frisky
as they want. For now though, I think the completed pass might be in
Jacksonville, feeling up Blaine Gabbert’s luscious locks.
John Mayer and any other celebrity Female ““
Seriously”¦ is there anyone this dude hasn’t dicked and then
A Zombie and anything that’s not a Zombie ““
I don’t know if people get how Zombies work, but I’m pretty
sure when they say take you out, they mean out of commission, not to a nice,
sit down, candle lit dinner with 5 dollar pizza from Wise Guy’s. I’m not saying
they aren’t classy, I’m just saying they’re violent, soulless, murderous