Episode 37: A Dark Wind Approacheth


–SCENE 1/ ACT 1–

The Scene: Deep within Castle Helgore lay the BEDCHAMBER of the dark PRINCE QUINTOPOLIS. He seeks to bed the vain but noble LADY DUMPINGTON, whose father’s kingdom, Gumtar is the second largest Kingdom of Gom behind only Helgore. Nutella is sweet and delicious.


LADY DUMPINGTON:  Pursue me not, dark prince Quintopolis. For I am but a lark!


*LADY DUMPINGTON transforms suddenly from a fair maiden into a simple, singing lark-bird of the East River folk.


QUINTOPOLIS: I am unpleased with this turn of events.


*Enter DUKE SNEVILS, the royal appoint of the Helgore Kingdom. He is an old, decrepit man whose job involves running the kingdom and dealing with the peasants while the royal family indulges in the luxury of  royal luxury and indulgence.


DUKE SNEVILS: Errrm….O Prince! The kingdom folk need foooooOOOOooooOOOd! Ohhhh! They!Neeeeeeddd…uhhhhhh…ohhhhhh…oHHHHHH! They! NEEEEED! FOOOOD! Yes! Yes….yeeeEEESSS! Oh God! They need food so bad! They need food! They need it in their mouths! They need to chew it and SWALLOW IT! OH! YES! God! OH! Give them (*pant*) Ohhhhh! Give them some food, for…for they are…for they are starving. Like, real bad. They need, they need some food. (*pant*) (*heave*) Oh my. They do need food though.


QUNTOPOLIS: I can’t attend to the whims of the townsfolkery at this juncture.


DUKE SNEVILS: But! But! Buuuut! Meh lord! Why ever not?


QUINTOPOLIS: (As he storms out his BEDCHAMBER) For I am a busy, and Sinful-man!


*EXIT QUINTOPOLIS, who hath transformed into a cat with a tale of rose and a voice of silk. //END SCENE//




The Scene: The depths of the Gom wilderness. ARBY’s (Carl’s Jr.)


DUKE SNEVILS(Limping badly) : I’m pretty sure you meant Hardee’s is the same thing as Carl’s Jr.


PRINCE QUINTOPOLIS: No no. That’s the joke.






The Scene: THE DIVINE BROTHERHOOD OF JULY arrives at the court of KING GUMTAR to discuss the recently accomplished quest to retrieve ARTURO”S MYTHOS.


LORD ROGER DANGER(Setting ARTURO”S MYTHOS on the king’s table): Well, here’s ARTURO’s MYTHOS.


KING GUMTAR: Yeah thanks. Yeah, the table’s a good spot for that.


RIKLING THE GNOME KING: This ran out of steam quickly.


ALL: Yes. Yes it did.





DUKE SNEVILS: In conclusion, do you see that by hastily throwing together a non-traditional format to illicit shock value, you undermine the entire point of a presentation? People who would be on your side feel alienated by how poorly you put it together. This is the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is that you wanted to do something because of an baseless personal conviction against people who have different beliefs and you slapped some supposed meaning to your fluff piece to justify the piece’s existence. If you really cared about an issue, you would discuss it on it’s own terms and not cloud the debate with false and inflammatory comparisons. If what you want is the right thing, why should you have to hide behind gimmicks?

THE LOWRY TROLL: I understand your point. But what are you doing now?

DUKE SNEVILS: I may be loud and ineffectual, but at least I bother far less people.





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