The music industry is a vast uncharted place, filled with complete and utter genius and a large amount of shit. We as a generation control the music that surrounds us, and we have failed to inspire songs that actually have meaning or worthy lyrics in the past decade. The year of 2011 has truly been a disaster in the realm of music and it’s time that it’s called out. So, Mizzou has done just that. Here are your Top 7 Worst Songs of the Year, chosen by, well, us.
1. We Found Love – Rihanna
Rihanna has done it once again. And by that I mean, reaching the top of the charts with an absolutely meaningless song. You want to know how she does it? Repetition. You go to sleep thinking that you found love in a hopeless place ““ even if you found love in a happy place, or maybe you haven’t found love at all and you’re cursing Rihanna for finding it, that bitch. This repetition technique has become Rihanna’s trademark; just listen to “S & M” and count how many “na na na na na’s” she says. Lyricism is not your strong suit, honey.– Holly
2. Pumped Up Kicks ““ Foster the People
Despite it’s adorably catchy melody, there is nothing adorable about Foster the People’s “Pumped Up Kicks.” What at first seems to be a light-hearted diddy about fancy gym shoes, on closer inspection, turns out to be something that sounds like a diary entry pulled from one of the Columbine shooter’s journals. With lyrics describing the massacre of those wearing the pumped up kicks in question, this song proves more disturbing than any of the sexually explicit rap songs also heard on the radio. The worst part of this song? Realizing you’re whistling along to a narrative of a school shooting.-Jessica
3. White Girl Wasted- Swagitha Christie
You ever wonder how people like Soulja Boy could mumble his way to a million dollar song? Or how anyone in the modern day with a “Lil’ in their name (not followed by a Wayne or Kim) could make so much money completely poisoning the music industry single-handedly? Meet Swagitha Christie. Yes, S-W-A-G-I-T-H-A Christie. Famed crime novelist Agatha Christie probably rolled over in her grave. Aside from defiling the good name of a literary giant, this is just a really bad song. Watch the video at your own risk. Trust us, you’ll be more impressed by her hair and stellar X-Games potential as she coasts around on her skateboard. Oh, we’re not exactly sure on this next part, but she may or may not be snorting cocaine.- Ian
4. Someone Like You- Adele
Alright, I don’t dislike Adele. She’s a good singer and she seems like a very nice person. I mean that. But I’m sick of being so goddamn sad all the time. Every time “Someone Like You” starts to bump in the dining hall, dinner is ruined. I can’t enjoy my sandwich when I’m overcome with sadness, yet Adele seems hell bent on crippling my ability to savor my Hummus & Veggie Panini. For the love of god people, will somebody just marry Adele? She’s nice, I promise, and she’s got to be loaded at this point. Plus she’s always on tour so you can cheat on her whenever you want. But for the love of god, I really would appreciate it if I could make it two hours without being nearly reduced to tears.- Brad
5. Just the Way You Are (Drunk at the Bar) ““ Brian Mcfadden
No doubt Brian McFadden made a real winner with his single “I Like You Just the Way You Are.” Sounds romantic right? Well, McFadden likes you just the way you are because in his song, you “are drunk as shit, dancing at the bar.” And if that wasn’t enough for this hunk to win your heart over, he seals the deal with his classy pick up lines about wanting to get you home so he can “do some damage.” Other gems include “your sex comes crashing into sight, breathing lust for thunder.” Don’t worry, I also have no clue what that means and I’m quite certain I don’t want to. And of course, the kicker is his enticing auto-tune with banjo accompaniment. Brian McFadden, everyone.- Joe
6. Crew Love- Drake
Hoodless sweatshirts have never had it so good, since they now have a whole song dedicated to loving them. “Crew Love” is the chilliest point of an already super chill album. But it’s not chill like “arm chair and a glass of zinfandel” chill, it’s more like “floor and a whole bottle of Robitussin” chill. After featured artist The Weeknd auto-tune moans (auto-moans?) for 40 seconds, he delivers gems like “Get your nose off my keyboard” and “Girl this ain’t a fucking sing-along.” Then he fades into auto-tuned babble (auto-babble). Then I guess Drake comes on. He’s rich FYI. Like, so rich. And he doesn’t care about you. End song.- Chris
7. Hangover- Taio Cruz
Alright, when I thought Taio Cruz couldn’t get ANY worse”¦he dropped the single, “Hangover.” Although it has a catchy beat and a fancy schmancy music video (where he wakes up with a panda suit on top of him?) the entire song is him repeatedly saying, “I got a hangover.” Cool? That happens sometimes, but after a rough Friday night do I sing about it? (only in the shower”¦) “I can drink until I throw up,” another spectacular lyric. And apparently he likes to chill on a roof, “if you didn’t know, now you know.” Personally, rhyming know with know is just a problem in itself, it’s expected from Taio though, (I just rhymed, get it? Take notes). Taio, you have successfully written another meaningless song that tickles the fancies of teenage girls around the world, and apparently you’re into bestiality now? Well, whatever floats your boat. – Ellen
