The popular University of Missouri dining hall Plaza 900 will turn its Grille station into a legitimate slaughterhouse.
Mizzou Dining Hall Director Jared Harris said that the new slaughterhouse came as inspiration from his experience from eating and working at the Plaza 900 Grille.
“I’ve been working at Plaza for quite some time, and the more and more I watched the employees make hamburgers and pulled pork, the idea just hit me,” Harris said. “If students can watch these employees throw frozen red meat on the grill while standing in line, we should probably show how authentic their meat is.”
Harris states that his idea was spurred when students complained about where their meat was actually coming from.
“There are a lot of agriculture students at the university that were curious as to what the process of creating our meat was,” Harris said. “The slaughterhouse idea makes perfect sense, as students can watch their food be killed, chopped up, and shaped into the hamburgers you’ve grown to love.”
Harris’ comments have stirred some controversy around campus, especially among the university’s animal rights coalitions and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).
“We’ve been wrong on a lot of animal rights issues,” PETA spokesperson Janet Marx said. “However, the actions of Plaza 900’s Grille really piss us off…and this time we want blood—not literally though, because that’d be pretty damn ironic.”
Students across campus are also unsure if the addition of the slaughterhouse will actually determine if they believe their food is authentic or even ethical.
“They did a demonstration today during lunch, and I have to say, I almost threw up,” sophomore Danny Phillips said. “The way they killed those cows and used chainsaws to rip them apart reminded me too much of the gore in the Evil Dead movies.”
Horrific video images of the slaughterhouse emerged online, which also caused a stir on social media sites like Twitter and Facebook. Some shots included a picture of Harris covered in pig blood, yielding a chainsaw, and shouting, “IT’S SO DELICIOUS!”
Harris also claims that the slaughterhouse will help boost job growth, which is why both presidential candidates have used this slaughterhouse as a last minute example before the election on November 6.
“Jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs—that’s what this election’s all about,” presidential candidate and former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney said. “I’m all in favor of slaughtering helpless animals if it’s giving jobs to the American people.”
In response to Romney’s message, President Barack Obama’s team put together a new slogan: “Romney Kills Animals,” which also has PETA all pissed off again.
Despite the negative reactions from the public, Harris still is set on his idea remaining at Plaza.
“All this talk about meat and blood and guts is making me hungry,” Harris said. “You guys want a burger?”