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Alpha Sigma Sigma Builds Coat Room, Becomes Top Frat on Campus
In a recent poll conducted by the MU Greek System, Alpha Sigma Sigma, Mizzou’s formerly lowest-ranked fraternity by female students, has recently been rated “Top House on Campus.” Though experts are citing a number of reasons for the rankings upset, female students asked about their sudden change in heart towards the fraternity, nearly all mentioned... MORE »
Top Ten Pop Culture Predictions of 2013
1. Kim Kardashian gives birth on live television, baby Kimye eats its way out of Kim’s uterus Twilight-style. Kris Jenner promptly sells the newborn’s life rights to E!. 2. Anne Hathaway punches Best Actress winner Jessica Chastain at the Oscars: “I SHAVED MY HEAD FOR THIS.” 3. Leonardo DiCaprio decides to move to daytime television... MORE »
Gay men everywhere speak out in support of Manti Te’o: ‘We’ve all been there.”
Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o has recently come under fire since it was discovered that his late girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, never actually existed. In spite of the allegations and subsequent media frenzy, one group has surprisingly and publicly come out in support of Te’o: the gay community. “So what, he made up his girlfriend? That... MORE »
The Story of Syllabus Week
Syllabus Week, known as the “Festival of Natty Lights” to many, will soon be upon us once more. Though widely celebrate by most college students, there are many who have forgotten the true meaning of the weeklong celebration. To remind us why we celebrate Syllabus Week, we have decided to retell the story of how... MORE »
MU Basketball Players Actually Monstars
Columbia, Missouri- Scandal and college sports, it would seem, go hand in hand. During a routine pre-season blood test, the blood work of five members of the MU men’s basketball team came back clear of all substances. As if this fact wasn’t shocking enough on its own, it was uncovered that the five, all freshmen... MORE »
Romney Retaliates: GOP candidate buys Canada, leads supporters to the Promise Land
After losing Tuesday night’s presidential election, GOP candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney bought the pseudo-nation of Canada, renaming it “Romnasia” and calling upon his followers- the “good Republican people of America” to leave their homes and start a new life in the land known by many as “America’s backwoods.” “I’ve never seen him so angry before,... MORE »
MU Introduces Jersey Chasing as Newest Club Sport
Carefully checking her makeup using the selfie-mode of her iPhone 4s, Mary hides behind a trash can, lying in wait for the moment when Freshmen tight end Jack (whose name has been changed for his own personal safety) leaves his room, at which point she will pop up and accidentally bump into him, thus striking... MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Cialis!
THIS IS SO TRUE. MORE »
Romney Flushes Gingrich
After a long, hard struggle Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has finally pushed out Newt Gingrich. Romney promptly flushed Gingrich and lit a match, for fear that Newt would smell up the place. MORE »
Rejected Headlines of the Week
DA SHIT. MORE »