The voting machine issues that once again plagued The Sunshine State this election seemed to have been resolved with the decision to award Florida’s 29 electoral votes to Windows Media Player.
The default software won nearly 80% of the votes cast after Dieitalics Voting Systems employees accidentally left the “open at start-up box” checked-in. Many voters were met with an unceasing hourglass when they attempted to close the program and cast their ballot for the media program out of frustrated.
“At least it wasn’t Real Player,” Florida voter Doug McGowan said.
Fortunately for Dieitalics, the company responsible for a majority of the country’s voting machines, the votes of Florida and many other states proved ultimately irrelevant in deciding the future leader of the entire country.
“Yeah if Ohio had given its votes to iPhoto we’d be in some shit,” Dieitalics spokesperson Randy Cruise said, “Thankfully our election system is able to disenfranchise a majority of the population.”
The troubling results of Florida’s election did not go unnoticed by Washington, where plans are already underway to prevent such a non-event from happening in the future.
“We’re planning a strictly symbolic Senate investigation right after we pass a bill declaring the second week in December ‘National Hot Pizza Rolls Awareness Week’. I burned the roof of my mouth pretty badly like a month ago,” Senator Marco Rubio said.