In what was hailed by consumer
rights activists as a major victory, Internet behemoth Google Inc. has announced
an overhaul to its comprehensive privacy policy.

a long time thorn in Googleâ??s side, is finally going to take a front seat in
corporate decisions. The company made an announcement earlier this week laying
out the specifics of their new plan for protecting their customerâ??s personal
information from third parties.

will not divulge IP addresses, search history, credit card numbers, bank
statements or candid photos our android phones took while you were texting on
the toilet to any third party unless they ask really nicely. Iâ??m talking really nicely,â? Google spokesperson and
2010 UN Environment Program Goodwill Ambassador Don Cheadle said.


industry insiders are praising this move, many students are voicing concerns.

all these new rules gets tedious, so now I have to keep one eye open like CBS,�
sophomore Business major Shawn Cartier said.

individuals have suggested further amendments to Googleâ??s new plan, even going
so far as demonstrating on campus against what they view as a personal attack.

time to make some changes. The old way wasnâ??t working so itâ??s on us to do what
we gotta do�to survive,� Machiavellian History major Lesane Crooks said.

in Louisiana, poor people drowning have recently become the second biggest
problem due to a recent, related development.

appearance of large, winged jungle cats inside the Superdome has raised many
other concerns about the security of the venue for the upcoming All-Star Game.

not bringing my athletes to any stadium where they have the potential to be
eaten. Thatâ??s final,â? State Head Coach Doc Rivers said.

has had a history of unpopular privacy policy decisions, most notably
compliance with Chinese censorship laws. Though Google eventually bowed to
public pressure, it took months of protest.

time around, Google is showing no signs of backing down. If anything, they are
taking even greater strides to solidify their new position.

in my life had I seen so many flying lions in one place,� Head of Superdome
Maintenance and Screen Actorâ??s Guild Award for Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Don Cheadle said.

motley crew of 45 seasoned groundskeepers has less than a week to clear the
76,000+ seat stadium of any and all large, carnivorous jungle cats.

Orleans police investigating the strange appearance of lions have linked their
appearance to the constellation Scorpio appearing in the second house of
Jupiter. Another theory proposes that the winged lions are a product of some
unethical science experiment performed by a ruthless mega-corporation no longer
bound by the laws of any governing body.

worse than we feared, the consumer backlash was already putting a strain on
[Googleâ??s] PR team, and now that our flying lion experiments have escaped our
underground labs�there will be hell to pay,� Cheadle said.