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Fratstar’s Valentine’s Day Letter
Picture by
maxmartinez
February 14, 2012 at 1:00 am
Frat Star Denied Entry Into “Bro-Zone;” Remains in “Friend Zone”
On Friday afternoon, a love struck frat social chair Connor Stokley ’14 confronted dreamy fraternity brother Steve Sanchez ’14 and asked if he would like to bro out with him on Saturday night. “I know this cute, little bar by the Commons that we can go to,” said the oblivious Stokley. “They’ve got the hottest,... MORE »
Formal Rejection
Ouch. MORE »
Incidences of Hypothermia Increase Due to Lack of Alcohol During Pledging
Even though, in recent weeks, the weather in Ithaca has been unseasonably warm, because of lack of alcohol during pledging students have found themselves feeling like a foreigner….cold as ice (to any 80s music fans out there). “I used to wear a liquor jacket out ever night. Now I’m freezing outside because I can actually... MORE »
The Giants v. The 49ers: From a Guy Who Doesn’t Know About Sports
So you’re probably thinking, why don’t I know anything about sports? I am a guy and I want to join a frat. Not the typical stereotype now, am I? Yeah, breaking barriers! Anyway, I played sports when I was a kid. Standard, Little League and soccer where everyone runs around chasing the ball and there... MORE »
#RushWeek2012
Disclaimer: The frat you join in no way reflects your sexual orientation. Unless you’re a GDI in which case you are most definitely “a gay.” MORE »
Formal Season 2011: This is how I’ll die, isn’t it?
What’s your favorite time of year…Christmas or Wedding Season? Formal Season! That’s right fellow Cornellians, it is that time of the semester where you have nothing to do because classes are over and study week has yet to begin. It’s the best time of the year. Get all fancy in your dress or your shirt... MORE »
Olin Stacks Flasher Finds True Love at Jewish Speed Dating
Recently an anonymous male was found running around Olin exposing himself to females and shocking them to the point of tears. CampusBasement investigative reporter Jenna Til-Warts had an exclusive interview with the famous flasher. She pried into the mind of the psychopath in an attempt to figure out what the roots of his problems were. ... MORE »
You know you go to Cornell when….
As we all know Cornell Fraternity parties used to exist. When they did they used to have to have sober monitors who wore bright yellowish green shirts to let everyone know who they were. They became really popular and quite hilarious to wear when you were wasted. This shirt though tops it all. Wear it... MORE »
In New Policy, Skorton Puts George Orwell “Obey” Stickers on Every Frat Party ID Scanner
NORTH CAMPUS – In what he calls a “friendly reminder to freshmen that we’re watching their every move,” Cornell University President David Skorton has instituted a new policy that requires every ID scanner used at frat parties to bear an “Obey” sticker from George Orwell’s classic novel, 1984. “You see, every time you put... MORE »
Ithaca is Gorges No More
Due to the recent uproar on the part of both students and faculty President Skorton has finally decided to take down the fences. In place of the infamous fences Skorton has made the executive decision to fill in the gorges. Requests are now being taken to decide what the gorges should be filled with. Might... MORE »
Avicii to Appear at Pixel After Cornell Concert
On Saturday, September 22nd, Avicii will be performing at Barton Hall in honor of homecoming weekend. Cornellians are extremely excited for his performance that night, which was made evident when tickets to the event sold out in a record 35 minutes. Many were upset that they weren’t able to get tickets, but now, they will... MORE »
CU Student Looking for Missing Girlfriend
People go missing all the time, but it is a rarity at Cornell for someone to go missing. Unfortunately, some student cannot find his girlfriend in Uris Library. On Friday morning, dozens of signs appeared all over the library with a picture of a blonde girl and a phone. The phone number is a Georgia... MORE »
Cornell to Buy Joe Paterno Statue for $10 Million
With all the drama that just occurred, Penn State was fined $60 million dollars by the NCAA, with all proceeds going to charities benefitting abused children. To pay for this fine without affecting tuition costs for current students, Penn State held a silent auction for the legendary Joe Paterno statue on Monday. The winning bid... MORE »
Cornell’s 5 New Rules for 2012-2013
As things happen and time flies, Cornell adjusts its’ rules every year to make sure that students study in a happy, stress-free environment. This year is no different, as Cornell has placed five new rules in effect for the coming school year. Here is a breakdown of all five: – No sunglasses inside classrooms... MORE »
Tupac Hologram? No, But Cornell Gets Churchill
Earlier in 2012, Coachella debuted the Tupac hologram, which was the first of its’ kind. Tupac was seen rapping on stage, but it was all done through lights and computers. It’s a concept that many people want to make popular due to the possible educational benefits brought to the table. Cornell, nonetheless, has invested in... MORE »
Study Shows C.U. Has Most ‘Paper Gangsters’ in U.S.
Somewhere in between the wigs, hats, and jockstraps in the back of her closet, Lady Gaga once coined the term ‘paper gangster’. A paper gangster is defined by Urban Dictionary as a bulls*** fake wanna-be who tries to be ghetto, thinks he/she is from the streets, and is a punk-ass mother****** who should be listening... MORE »
Foote to Be Honored by Cornell
In 2010, Cornell basketball had an amazing season and went all the way to the Sweet 16. A large (extremely large) part of that run was then-senior, NBA D-League All-Star and current member of the New Jersey Nets summer league team, Jeff Foote. Foote was the big center that every team craves. He rebounded, blocked,... MORE »
Lock Your Doors: Mice on Loose as Lab Window is Broken
Over the years, Cornell University has done a lot of research on mice and how they are affected by certain factors. Thousands and thousands of mice are kept by many labs on campus, but in a special area where they will never escape. The word never is very strong, but not always accurate, as 2,500... MORE »
Student Lights Fireworks Inside College Ave. House
The 4th of July is a time to appreciate our country, spend time with friends and family, throw down some burgers and dogs, and light fireworks. Theodore Briggs missed the memo that fireworks are illegal in New York, and also forgot that you are supposed to light them outside. At a late-morning barbecue on College... MORE »
10 Facts You Didn’t Know About Cornell
In 1865, Ezra Cornell had a vision to found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study. Since then, many big things and interesting facts have come out about the school. This is a list of the Top 10 least-known facts about Cornell University. 10. Cornell was originally called Ezrabius Corpus University.... MORE »
And Your 2013 Convocation Speaker Is..
Every year, seniors at Cornell wonder who will deliver the convocation address at their graduation. Although they will barely remember the words said, it’s the biggest moment of their lives and want to be able to say someone influential shared the moment with them. With New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg speaking at graduation less... MORE »
Top 10 Ways to Piss a Cornell Professor Off
While some students at Cornell wonder why their professors hate them, some try to intentionally get their professors to hate them. Here are the top ten ways to piss off a Cornell professor: 10. Go to class 4 times the entire semester. NO MORE, MAYBE LESS. 9. Walk into class late and throw the... MORE »
Gannett Receives First Bath Salts Patient
Ever since Rudy Eugene, a.k.a. the Miami “Zombie”, made international headlines, the use of bath salts has risen. People are trying to get so high that they eat homeless people’s faces off. Sophomore-to-be Stephen Willis decided to give them a try, and made a terrible mistake. The terrible mistake Willis made had nothing to do... MORE »
Student Graffities Campus Hill After Miami Heat Loss
While there are not many Miami Heat fans in Ithaca, especially right now, there was one in Campus Hill during the team’s loss to the Boston Celtics on Tuesday night. Everyone still in the building found out that senior-to-be Martin Majerle was still in Ithaca as soon as the final buzzer ring. Majerle started... MORE »
Student Suspended for Getting Professor, Entire Class High
The end of the school year is always a great time, from not having work to cupcake parties with your professors, it’s always a happy moment. Unfortunately, there is always that one person that just takes it too far and screws everyone else over. In this case, that guy is junior Martin Solscribe. On Thursday,... MORE »
Popeye’s to Open in Place of CTP
After late nights of partying, Collegetown Pizza has always been there to serve the Cornell community. The sad news that it will be relocating to Dryden Avenue upset many, but don’t cry too much, because a new restaurant is about to open on the corner of college and Dryden, and it’s going to be just... MORE »
MUST READ: Grads Caught Doing Keg-Stands on President Skorton’s Roof
Out of all the crazy stories we have heard from senior week, this has to be the craziest one by far. Let’s just say recent-grads, President Skorton’s roof, and keg-stands do not go together. On Sunday night, at approximately 2 a.m., police were called to the Skorton residence by the President himself. He believed that... MORE »
Student Found Living in Bailey Hall
Summer has started and many students who are staying in Ithaca have been moving into new apartments to get settled in early. That is not the case for freshman Brian Michael Timinsky, who was found by maintenance living in Bailey Hall on Tuesday. Apparently, Timinsky had set up a living quarters in the basement of... MORE »
Skorton and Bloomberg to Host Party at Level B
With convocation finished, and students off with their families and friends enjoying the moment, it’s time for the big guys to have fun. Tonight, at Level B, President David J. Skorton and convocation speaker and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg will be hosting an invite-only dance party. The party was not supposed to be... MORE »
Senior Gets Stuck in Toilet at Catherine St. Block Party
Senior week is a time of enjoying some of the last times you’ll be together with all of your friends. Unfortunately for senior Pep Hamburg, he missed one of the seven days completely. The reason, well, he simply got stuck in the toilet for most of Tuesday afternoon. The incident happened at the Catherine Street... MORE »