What’s your favorite time of year…Christmas or Wedding Season? Formal Season! 

That’s right fellow Cornellians, it is that time of the semester where you have nothing to do because classes are over and study week has yet to begin. It’s the best time of the year. Get all fancy in your dress or your shirt and tie. Get all wasted and make a fool of yourself on the dance floor. Rent out fancy places in Ithaca and eat so much you hate yourself. Ah, the beauty.
Last season I wrote an article trying to help you all make it through. This year I would like to bring that focus back and give a few do’s and dont’s of formaling…. season….
DO: Dance your face off. Have a good time, no one cares that you don’t know how to dance or that your go to move is the dice roll that actually looks like you jerking yourself off.

DON’T: Dance your pants off….literally. You make be saying, come one Cornell Basment writer, that’s just an expression. But I stop you right there naive reader. I have been to my share of formals and experienced many a pants off. Men and women alike. Well, she can’t really take her pants off unless she’s wearing a pants suit to formal and then, well, that’s fine. My male followers, please don’t take your pants off before you get back to the boudoir. And to the ladies. Oh ladies. Keep your legs closed woman! I don’t wanna see you getting a lap dance from your date and I definitely don’t wanna see your pink thong with a box on it (a speak from obvious experience). 

DO: Enjoy the open bar or tab depending on how cheap your fraternity or sorority is.

DON’T: Drink if you didn’t get in as over 21 because you will get caught and you will ruin my I mean everyone’s formal. If you are not lucky enough to be a member of the elite club of being 21 and you don’t have a good fake idea, formal is not the time to try and sneak drinks or rub the giant X off your hands. It’s like the Scarlet Letter – they know who you are, you can’t fool anyone. This is the point of the formal pregame. It’s why guys make you start getting ready at 4pm….so you can start drinking at 5pm before you eat anything and are super fucked up for the beginning awkward part of formal and then sober up by 10pm and can go to bed and wake up the next morning to write that final paper or start studying for orgo in 2 weeks. So, either spend some money on a good ID, get a nicer big who will give you their ID, or pay the price and not drink. Pick your poison.

DO: Eat the free food at formal. You need this sustenance so you don’t vom all over the dance floor. And if you do that no one will like you. 

DON’T: EAT MY FREE FOOD AT FORMAL! As much as you think this is a free-for-all   and all the food seems free, but this is why we pay dues. When you stick your dirty hand on my plate you are asking for me to punch you in the face. All I’ve eaten today is a bowl of golden grahams with a fork.I am drunk and I am hungry.  Don’t mess with me.  

DO: Get some. I don’t care if you’re making out with your date. No one really cares. Dance floor make outs are harmless and fun. You get it!

DON’T: Get more than that! If I see you bending over with your hand in the air and your date air humping you from behind and it is not a joke…you are everyone’s least favorite person at formal. There is nothing pretty about having sex on the dance floor. Also if you’re eating your dates face off and grabbing each others asses it’s time to either cut you off from the bar tab, or send you in cab because clearly it’s been a while since you’ve gotten any and you both need to rub one out in the PRIVACY of your own room (or someone else’s as long as it ain’t mine). The last thing the DJ wants is to see a skirt/dress get lifted up while he is trying to make sweet beats and “get recognized” so he can open at Pacha next year.*

To sum it all up in one last final do/don’t
DO: Have fun!

DON’T: Ruin it for anyone else. We all look forward to formal season. We work hard here at Cornell. Don’t fucks with our good times, because for some of us, cough seniors cough, this may be our last formal and we want it to be a drunk, awesome, mess too and it can’t be if you get us kicked out. 

Thank you all and have a safe formal season.  

*Only exception to this don’t is if you are an incredibly attractive couple.
So, now that we’re clear. Get on those dancin shoes my friends, and hopefully by Monday night of study week you’re still alive and able to wake up the next morning to study for those 4 finals and 3 papers you have standing in the way of your graduation. Good luck!
SEE MORE » , , , ,