The Giants v. The 49ers: From a Guy Who Doesn’t Know About Sports

So you’re probably thinking, why don’t I know anything about sports? I am a guy and I want to join a frat. Not the typical stereotype now, am I? Yeah, breaking barriers! Anyway, I played sports when I was a kid. Standard, Little League and soccer where everyone runs around chasing the ball and there are no real positions. But, it was never my thing. I was into debate team and choir. It has never been a problem until now….until I went through rush, during the NFC Championship game.

Everything was going fine in the beginning of the game, we were all just playing drinking games and only a few guys were really paying attention. Halfway through the game, there was an increase in yelling and a lot of cursing. Apparently someone scored a goal. But, no one asked me anything yet. I was still feeling good about myself and getting a bid to the frat. No one knew my secret.

It’s not my fault that I never got into sports. They’re just incredibly time consuming. Following all these different teams over the course of the year, watching all these games and giving up hours of your life for other people while neglecting your own life and those close to you….I know I sound like some kind of Buddhist, but I never wanted sports to rule my life, ya know? School always came first. OH and there was a touchdown during this section of the game. They all shouted and cheered. The game was tied now. Apparently this made the game more exciting so the drinking games started to dwindle down. If I had the time to devote to sports I would have gotten into them I guess. But, I don’t and now at Cornell….I have even less time. I did know that when the field goal happened that meant the team only got 3 points…less than that of a touchdown. See, at least I’m not as bad as some girls. Now, the Giants were winning and everyone was happy and back to drinking.

The guy who I was playing pong with started up a conversation about the Giants after the 49ers scored again. He asked me who I was rooting for. I knew that if I chose a team I would have to have a conversation about it, so me being quick on my feet I said, “Neither, but I hope the Giants win because I hate the 49ers”. But, little did I know that was not the right answer since it was followed by, “Why do you hate the 49ers?” I chugged my beer for a bit to think: come on Brian you’re a social guy, you’ve heard guys talk sports before….”My dad always did so now I do”. Good cover. Then they scored and when the bro told me I did what I thought was a great impression of  someone who was disappointed.

I knew we were getting close to the end. It was the last quarter and after this we were going to the strip club! Yes, I may not like sports, but I do like boobs. That I would devote time to. But, I got nervous once the game was tied. If this quarter ended in a tie, that meant we would delay going to see the strippers. And people think my priorities are crooked. So I started to get into it cheering for anyone to score at this point, while not forgetting I hated the 49ers. Then the clock ran out. Overtime. See ya never, breasts. 

But I was mistaken! Overtime was not as long as the rest of the quarters…once the team scored it was over. The Giants won and we got on the bus, headed to Syracuse and I dropped $100 on strippers and Dinosaur BBQ….most of it on Dinosaur BBQ. 

Guess I should probably study a little about football before the Super Bowl, but they already gave me a bid. I’m a bit torn, but I do know if they figure out my secret they’ll haze me harder. The weak always suffer the most.