There is an epidemic of laziness spreading
FAST around the Cornell campus. I understand that you are busy running off to
your plethora of meaningful extracurriculars (yes, that means you, Squirrel
Club), but I’ve become appalled by the way some of my fellow Cornellians have
chosen to abbreviate some words that REALLY don’t take that long to say but are
shortened anyway for the sake of looking like a complete douchebag. Some
examples, if you will:


1) “Totes”
““ Abbreviation of “Totally.” Used in a sentence: “That Four Loko is totes too
many calories.” Seriously? Totes are reserved for sorority bags and other such
paraphernalia – would it kill you to add 2 more syllables? (That was a
hypothetical question)


2) “Legit” ““
Abbreviation of “Legitimately.” Used in a sentence: “This is legit the best hot
dog I have ever put in my mouth.” This is my favorite abbreviation, mainly
because I haven’t heard ANYONE use the word legitimately outside of “Law and
Order” until somewhere along the line our generation became really stupid and
decided to use it in every sentence to appear as if they have credibility. I’m
going to have to agree with you on this one ““ yes, this word is really
long.  However ““ I suggest you first
stop, think about what you want to say, and determine whether or your thoughts
are actually as legitimate as you claim them to be. Chances are, probably not.
Sorry. Get back in the salad line at Terrace.


3) “Profesh” ““
Abbreviation of “Professional”. This is also a favorite of mine mainly because
I heard it for the first time today used in a sentence: “Everyone in Statler
looks so Profesh!” You have got to be kidding me. I almost wanted to say “no
comment” on this one because it is so incredibly STUPID, however it’s too good
to pass up. So hold up for one second – DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY PROFESH?! Why.
Why do people do this to themselves. I’m pretty sure BBMing your dog would result
in a more intelligent conversation than maintaining a friendship with someone
who says “Profesh.” Srsly.


4) “Supes” ““
Abbreviation of “Super”. “She’s supes cute!” Super is a great word. More people
should use it.  It’s fun, feisty,
and a hell of a lot more vivacious than saying “really”. However, saying
“supes” as opposed to “super” just makes you sound like a complete idiot. When
you say “supes”, I immediately think soup, which makes it incredibly cruel to
lead someone on to thinking that there is soup in the vicinity. This is not OK
““ if you hear anyone say “supes” please duct tape their mouth for me.


5) “Awk” ““
Abbreviation of “Awkward”. A friend of mine recently committed the worst
abbreviation that has ever come across my pretentious well-versed ears: “He’s
nice but our conversation was supes awks”. I’m sorry, WHAT?! She meant well,
but we all stared at her for about 5 minutes questioning whether or not she
really just said that. Say it to yourself, and it sounds like “Soups Ox”, which
just sounds gross. Simply saying the word “Awk” is awkward in itself , no
matter where you are or who you are talking to.  Just don’t do it.


6) “Gorg” ““
Abbreviation of “Gorgeous.” You’ve all seen it ““ one of your Facebook friends
has at one point or another commented on a photo of you saying something like
“You are so gorg” (unless you are ugly). This makes me want to GORG my eyes
out. Here is why ““ you know what a gorg is? A gorge. If you go to Cornell,
chances are you’ve probably seen one, or swam in one (clothed or not). You
don’t see people going around wearing shirts that say “Ithaca is Gorg”, so
don’t tell your friend she is “gorg” because she’s just not going to understand
your weird ass linguistics. Also, if you have “gorg” friends worthy of your “gorg”
facebook comments, have you ever asked them why they’re your friend in the
first place? Just wondering.


OK, I’m done ranting.
Yes, I have fallen victim to some of these abbreviations in times of great
peril and lack of speaking time in my life. But I’m asking you from the bottom
of my heart to PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. Say the whole word, not just the first
three letters of it. The ESL students on campus will thank you.