Out of all the crazy stories we have heard from senior week, this has to be the craziest one by far. Let’s just say recent-grads, President Skorton’s roof, and keg-stands do not go together.

On Sunday night, at approximately 2 a.m., police were called to the Skorton residence by the President himself. He believed that there was either a robber trying to intrude or a very large animal, such as a lion or a baby cub, on his roof. When police broke through the attic and on to the roof, they were shocked at what they saw.

What they saw was no lion, or baby cub for that matter, but instead recent graduates Lauren Hollis and Emmitt Brown partying on the roof. When police arrived, Brown was holding Hollis’ legs up and she was currently on the half-minute mark of her keg-stand turn. The CUPD screamed, “Stop immediately!” When that happened, Brown dropped Hollis and she fell face first onto the floor. Her injuries were a missing front tooth and a ‘huge’ bruise in the middle of her forehead.

The police officers began to question the two recent-grads and there was only one thing that they were particularly curious about. How did these two people get a keg on President Skorton’s roof without anybody seeing them? For them, the answer was simple.

“Well, I used to be a really good rower in high school, until I had my dreams shattered when I got here and didn’t make the team. But I do still have a little of my strength left, so we used it to our advantage,” said Brown. And that they did. Hollis tied a rope to the keg while Brown rowed it up. Then they both climbed the fire escape on the side and started their party.

Skorton refused to press charges, believing that it would ruin the point of graduating if they received felonies the first night they had a college diploma. Instead, he was particularly amused by the scene and invited them in for a drink, that is, after paramedics wiped the blood off of Hollis’ face. Skorton was quoted as saying, “What? You pulled the keg onto my roof by yourself? And you did keg-stands? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad; that’s amazing.”