Dudes and gentlemen:
As I’m sure you’re aware, Halloween is this weekend. As I’m
sure you’re also aware, this means many women ““ just like yourselves, but
they’re women ““ are readying a mind-boggling variety of tiny half-costumes as
These ladies embrace the Sexoween slutparade and display their legs and the twins like they’re afraid everyone will forget they have em.
Not all of us want to, but enough do that I put down my
Bill-Hader-in-Lasercats costume long enough to investigate and realize there’s fun in
participating. (Also, thing to consider: it’s physically impossible to have sex
dressed as Bill Hader in Lasercats.)
I realized, though, part of what makes this
objectificationstravaganza weird for me is it feels like the ladies are the
only ones putting something out there. It’s like Halloween is one big naked
party where the guys get to wear wetsuits, for some reason. Women have put a
lot of effort into adding heels and/or fishnets to literally any character,
animal, and inanimate object,
and guys buy a lot of these.
I propose that objectification be a two-way street. Play up
whatever features you’d like, men, but it’s time you started reciprocating the
cleavage. Our tastes are broad and varied. Some women, for instance, are
excited by chest hair, and others are wrong. Some women want to see arms, some
forearms, calves, necks, backs, abs, whatevers – try different things out.
Girls who don’t dig this are just prisoners of social inequality; they’ll
understand someday when you win them over with your sexy mailman/hipster/donut
costume. And, I assume, thank you for it.
There are those who consider this particular aspect of Halloween
a nonsense idiot slutfest ““ they may see skimpy costumes and say that these
girls thought about what they wanted to dress as and landed on
“booooooobs!!”. But those who recognize this and think “wheeee!” instead
of “don’t!” are ready for the XYs to start pitching in. Stop hanging around the
edges of the naked party fully clothed.