Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines.

Cell phone security a concern as personal info storage increases

My phone and I get along pretty well when
we’re together, but when I’m not around and my cell gets a little tipsy,
well I’m not sure how much I can trust it. 

USC reports lower
number of sexual assaults each year

 What are we doing wrong??

USC CalPIRG makes a
plastic bag display to spread awareness

Now we’re all more aware of how CalPIRG wastes their plastic bags.

SCA to launch new comedy

 Because the phrase “initiative” reminds everyone of laughter, right?

Fitness Centers encourage college students
to work out

 Before this, the fitness centers actually went out of their way to discourage people. I think that’s what it was.

Not enough nutritional info on campus

 We need to know how many calories are in those squirrels before we make a decision.

USC Program board sponsors Cirque de ‘SC

Don’t laugh, because the first name idea was “USCirque de…..hmmmm”

USC Dornsife hosts forum to discuss finding
a new dean

This is what it takes to find guys with the first name Dean these days.

USC libraries increase number of E-books

books starting with the letter E is always good.”- library


University launches ‘We are considerate’
campaign to improve biker behavior

 I guess shouting “I’M CONSIDERATE!” right before you run a pedestrian over is an improvement.

Female cadets of the USC Trojan Battalion
Army Reserve Office Training Corp feel they are equal to men

It’s only a feeling at this point though because someone may have miscounted.

DPS urges safety over the weekend

But only
this weekend.