USC Edition
Obeying
the call of
the drunchies can be difficult. Coordinating everyone’s
wants and needs, figuring out what’s open, getting yourselves there,
finding out it’s closed, finding out drive-thru employees don’t think
it’s cute when you walk four people up and pretend to be a car – this
list aims to boil down the good, the bad, and when exactly it is they’re
open until.
Subway ““ 3
locations!
Open: 24 hours
1-5: 2
I don’t
personally like Subway under any circumstances, but being open 24 hours
gives
them a big leg up. They also have three walking-distance locations near
USC.
Subway is that creepy guy who doesn’t necessarily intend to improve
anything
about what he has to offer personality-wise, but will stalk you til you
give
him a try. Hey, though, five dollar footlongs.
Health Inspector
Says… “You’re getting the tuna? Are you serious? Make my job a little
easier, at least don’t get the tuna.”
Chano’s
Open: Until 3am
1-5: 4
I know
plenty of people who have never been to Chano’s sober, but post-party it
tastes
amazing. Apparently the quality isn’t actually that great; we may never
know. The tables are out in the open right next to the Row and the 9-0,
so
great people watching opportunities make it a USC have-to-at-least-once.
Health Inspector
Says… “Hard to tell because the place is impenetrable. Like a tiny
Mexican-food fort. There’s actually no way to get in and look around.”
Del Taco
Open: Until 4am,
24/7 drive thru
1-5: 3
Right off the
Row, which may explain how (weekend nights) it’s usually packed and the
service
is crazy slow (Delta Co, last house on the row!). They do have the
unique advantage of solving your tacos
vs.
fries argument with your friends.
Health Inspector Says… “The chicken
soft tacos really help me ignore all this beer on the floor.”
Taco Bell ““
2 locations!
Open: Until 1am
(psh), 3am drive thru
1-5: 3 (0 if
you have no one to drive)
Unfortunately,
their drive thru is the thing that’s actually open that late and that
makes them
useless in most college late-night situations. They are, however,
usually a
little cheaper and more satisfying to me than Del Taco. A limiting
factor: if
you’re the type of person who avoids Mexican shmexican food usually, a
belly
full of vodka isn’t going to do you any favors.
Health Inspector
Says… “I can’t, in good conscience, really ever recommend Taco Bell,
but you’re all legal adults and know what you’re getting into.
Godspeed.”
Wendy’s
Open: Until 1am
(psh), 3am drive thru
1-5: 5 (0 if
you have no one to drive)
Best. Dollar
menu. Ever. It includes some seriously above-average variety, so I
usually
order mandarin oranges to make sure my three burgers, chicken, fries,
and
Frosty are a balanced meal. This little red haired lady has been the
patron
saint of so many of my late nights, I may invite her to my wedding.
Health Inspector
Says… “Even though Double Stacks are a dollar, you should probably
have less than a half-dozen of them.”
Denny’s
Open: 24 hours
1-5: 1
Late-night
post-party Denny’s trips are so common, they’re cliché. Plenty of
generous,
greasy, carbsy options to get working early on your hangover, but a beef
I have
with Denny’s is they’re far more expensive than I’d like for what you
get.
Intoxicated people may not care much about quality or price, but can be
upset
at both in the morning ““ you can spend almost ten bucks plus tip on a
meal and
a drink, or god knows how much on your ill-advised mozzarella
stick/pancake
binge.
Health Inspector Says… “It’s in your best interest not to
touch any of the furniture with your bare hands.”
Panda
Express
Open: Until 3am
1-5: 3
A big carton
of orange chicken is one of the stickier options, but potentially one of
the
most satisfying. Like Del Taco, Panda’s usually a zoo late on weekends,
but if
you’re feeling social it’s a bonus.
Health Inspector Says… “This place
gets so much people traffic you’re almost guaranteed to get some sort of
virus. On the plus side… Chow mein.”
Your friend’s
kitchen
Open: Until you
get kicked out
1-5: 1
You probably
were not invited to bang through the cupboards looking for snacks, so
there’s a
pretty big risk of getting yelled at here. And since you don’t know
where
anything is, your impaired brain may get sick of hunting before you’ve
found
anything good.
Health Inspector Says… “Hell, don’t get all judgy, they’re
cleaner than you and your roommates.”
Your kitchen
Open: 24 hours
1-5: Ranges
Cheap and
close to where you should probably pass out, your kitchen could either
be a
good or very bad idea. The lowest risk involves waking up in the morning
with
Cheez-Its ground into your sheets, but if (like me) you find the thought
of a
grilled cheese or warm cookies too tempting to pass up, you run the risk
of
setting yourself/apartment/roommate’s cat on fire. Some of those are
easier to
cover up than others.
Also, though
““ there’s no sense of adventure in eating at home. Unless you have to
deal with
a sudden cat fire.
Health Inspector Says… “That
cookie dough
probably should
be tossed by now. That cheese, too. Mmm, I dunno… Can you see any
mold, or anything? Can you cut it off? This may be the drunchies
talking, but since you mentioned grilled cheese I don’t think I can let
this go.”
paul contributed to this
article
