Many seniors whose sex lives extend beyond movies where Ryan Gosling takes his shirt off (like me, someday) have found
themselves running out of people to date. Potential partners in extensive
hand-holding/enthusiastic hugging/other things I assume people do in
relationships seem to be an endangered species.


“Everyone I could be interested in, I’ve either already been
there or they’re a close friend of a past flame on campus,” a frustrated senior
complains. “I’m bored.”


And apparently this student, even moving through lovers
faster than the average bear, isn’t alone. The increase in the school’s
admissions preference toward driven, high-achieving students has led to more
people exploring their romantic options in approximately three years – record time. They then realize their resources are tapped.


“I’m fairly acquainted with what the opposite sex in my
circles has to offer, physically and emotionally. IF you know what I mean,”
another class-of-2012-er explained, with perhaps an excess of elbow nudges and
eyebrow waggles. This leaves some in the unfortunate position of searching for
more “circles,” so to speak, and many are expanding their sights to other


The online dating service climate still being “very embarrassed,”
UCLA, LMU, Occidental, SMU, and various other colleges in the greater Los
Angeles area have seen an upsurge in the amount of SC students trolling for loving
arms in their quads and eateries.


 “I’ve had a lot of
success hanging around various libraries and campus coffee places,” a senior
beams, with perhaps an excess of elbow nudges and eyebrow waggles. “I don’t
have any reason to stop. Heh.”


As when other industries turn to outsourcing, this movement
isn’t without its backlash. “A Trojan/Bruin relationship, especially one
cultivated on purpose, isn’t natural. And I wouldn’t want one in my family,” an
anonymous student blogs. Detractors paint outsourcers as greedy and
unappreciative of the local student body(ies).


But supporters aren’t worried, as our successful senior
articulates. “Obvious bigotry aside, I’m not going to sit around and twiddle my

“I’m going to get out there and find someone I love to do it for me.”


Photo credit: Grace Talice Lee