This article is part of a new series in which Becca over-dramatically recalls “cool story bro” moments from her time at USC.

It all happened so fast. I was on my way to the University Village Starbucks. All I wanted was my mocha light and to meet with a friend about shooting a hipster music video on my DSLR–

Shadowy figures in shadowy darkness.

BUT NO. Instead, I walked past the UV Burger King (practically drooling over french-fry smell after eating nothing but broccoli for 2 weeks. Fuck you, broccoli) and then it happened.

A kid, maybe 14 or 15, was bolting towards me. Like, at top speed. And just like in the movies, time seemed to slow down. I couldn’t move. My thoughts were all: “That’s weird. He’s running like, really fast. He probably has to catch a bus. God I really want a Coke Zero. French fries. Jon Hamm. Wait, what–”

About .2 seconds later, a big strong fellow was screaming “GET HIM!! HE ROBBED HER!!!” at my face as he also ran past me. And all I could do was point at myself, like, “me? You want me, failed-the-Presidential-Fitness-test-exercise-induced-asthma-train-wreck-of-a-running-person to go after a burglar?” and stand there with my mouth wide open.

How the fuck do you do this?!

Since I obviously wasn’t “getting him,” the hero-guy running after the thief sprinted past me out into the street to chase down the kid. A pretty blonde girl, looking like she’d just gotten her shit stolen, also ran by a second later shouting “Get him!” Really people? I still couldn’t move.

Cars honked their horns as the chase ensued in the street and down Jefferson. I eventually continued on my way to Starbucks, but the whole thing shook me up. As I waited for my hipster music video friend, I noticed the blonde girl walking towards me and my mocha light. I realized I was sitting at the scene of the crime. !!! My creeper listening skills filled me in on how her hero, whom I originally figured was her boyfriend, was actually just some dude at a nearby table. They didn’t even know each other! He wasn’t fast enough to get her stuff back, but… still. DPS showed up later and did lots of nothing.

He totally headed for the projection room above the auditorium.

What a nice guy, though. Which brings me to the realization that if my shit ever got stolen? I’d hope some nice person would run after the thief.

This will totally be me someday.

Lord knows I couldn’t. I guess I’ll just have to work on my clotheslining skills.