As the residents of the North East third of Cardinal Gardens awoke this morning they found their apartment complex left in total god damn disarray after light rain plagued the region for the better part of the last week. Soggy leaves and downed twigs leave residents who are just trying to make it to the laundry room, “shit, out of luck.” Junior statistics major, Joe Anderson, stated that, “wet leaves alone increase the average residents chance of slipping on the way to do laundry by 19 percent.”
Complaints of downed pine cones and little scattered puddles have been coming in from concerned residents from the J, G and H buildings. One brave reporter caught these images of said destruction:
Andrew Hammer, concerned resident who’s taking shelter in the laundry room in an attempt to make the dangerous trek as little as possible said, “Ya know, I wouldn’t be so worried about the danger if I was going to the half basketball court, sand volleyball court, barbecue grills, or any of the other luxury accommodations spread throughout the complex. I’m just a little frightened because theres so much extra weight to carry on the path to the laundry room, and for some reason that seems to be by far the most defaced walk way in the complex. A fall on the way to other things would result in some embarrassment a scabby knees, but a fall on the way to the laundry room would result in articles of clothing being destroyed in one of the tiny puddles and detergent spilling everywhere. it would look like one of those jedi with blue blood was killed and disappeared to help guide his apprentice as a spirit.” A worried look came over his face as he realized that his clothes were done drying and he would have to endure down said path again.
With light drizzle still coming down throughout the day it seems that the situation will only get worse and walkways throughout the housing complex will continue to be messy as a bastard. DPS released an official statement on the devastation from the misting this week that read, “Any potentially dangerous twigs or bundles of leaves will be dealt with as soon as possible. Please note that it may take longer than usual, because of the wide spread nature of the wreckage, to clean up all dangerous trimmings. It is suggested that you find shelter indoors until at least the branches that have fallen can be removed from walkways.” DPS also stated that it could take a couple of weeks for any winds to blow the non life threatening leaves and pine needles away, but that the sun should dry up the little puddles in the next couple of days.
