Um, somehow it became Halloween. I’m not sure when that happened, and I’ve decided it’s probably because I have no social life. Whoops.

Therefore! As a pathetic person who can’t even remember what day it is, I appropriately compiled a list of antisocial things to do while still maintaining the Halloween spirit. Bring on the lameness!

1. Pretend to hand out candy to kids

“That pathetic girl ate all our candy.”

As much as one fully prepares to give away candy, the sugary goodness usually ends up back inside the house. This is not a bad thing. Sometimes, candy can bring happiness to the dark world of what is called “your life” and make everything better with just a few boxes of Dots and thousands of Tootsie Rolls. Because let’s face it, college students are too poor for the good candy like pretzel M&Ms and Ferrero Rocher’s.

 2. Watch a scary movie by yourself

This is a stock photo of a man being scared of his television.

If you stay in and watch a scary movie (I suggest You’ve Got Mail), be extra antisocial and watch it by yourself! This leaves absolutely no chance of cuddling, making out, spooning, sexy times, etc., and your antisocialness in tact.

3. Get super wasted and listen to “Monster Mash”

It was a graveyard smash.

 Sometimes all you need is a bunch of shots and “Monster Mash” on repeat?

Honorable Mention: “Ghostbusters”

4. Chill in a cemetery (by yourself)

People did it in early 2000’s television shows all the time.

Extremely antisocial, but also dangerous, so if you decide to take this one up I’d recommend bringing your favorite vampire slayer friend with you. Or like, mace. Woo!!! Halloween!!

5. Carve a pumpkin self-portrait of yourself

This guy did.