Court upholds USC’s
trademark of interlocking SC logo, South Carolina’s trademark rejected : The judge defends his decision ““ “you try saying “Gamecock’ with a straight face.”
Chik Fil A opens near
campus : Spicy chicken deluxe experience declared necessary,
religious. Unfortunately, I continue to be incapable of walking past
Chipotle
NCAA violations,
sanctions, ban : Too soon.
July robbery”¦ On the
second floor of Doheny. Suspects quickly apprehended : Suspects not familiar with concept of escape plans, stairs
Gateway housing
complex opened : Yogurtland experience inarguably necessary, religious. Subway a welcome addition to our several other near-campus Subways
Gateway experiences
difficulty filling rooms : Prospective residents turned off by price, pitiful singular Subway
New student center opened : Many disappointed by lack of physical resemblance to an
onion. Or any vegetable, really.
Speaking of which, no
announced plans for The Lot : Probably a Subway
New anti-theft
computer locks available at Leavey : Unfortunately, all have gone missing.
ZBT and Pike trade
houses : “It just looks so much better on you! Keep it, keep it,”
Pike gushes.
Several freshmen
suffer alcohol poisoning at post-rush parties; IFC social ban : “Tally on your hand
in ballpoint pen” technology unavailable in some parts of the world
Record heat ““ Sept.
27: 113 Fahrenheit : “¦Or was it just you? Wiiink
Protest planned in
response to campus bike bans : If anything gets students worked up, it’s taking away their
right to ignore traffic and safety regulations en masse between 10 and 2 on
weekdays. Oh, the humanity.
President Max Nikias
sworn in : Nikias enjoyed the ecstasy of the “most exciting president
on campus” title for ““ well, about six days, until:
Obama rallies on
campus for Democratic congressional candidates : 37,500 show up, 500 enjoy being close enough to see him.
Four Loko introduced,
quickly declared dangerous : The most depressed among us will continue to enjoy a homemade
Colt 45/espresso/Jolly Rancher blend on weekends, as we always have
Cali votes NO on Prop
19, which would have legalized recreational marijuana : “Oh shiiiiiit, voting was yesterday?” say supporters.
Bill Nye faints twice
onstage in Bovard, continues, no one moves to assist : “We’re teaching him to self-soothe,” an official said on
site. “Maybe next time he’ll learn fainting won’t get him what he wants.”
Third Eye Blind comes
to USC : In related news, Third Eye Blind still exists
Assistance/genius courtesy of Lia Woodward
