With tensions steadily rising in the middle east, the Israeli and Palestinian communities at USC took it upon themselves to show their support by having a protest-off right in the middle of campus. With the actual situation in the middle east not moving forward the student protest were forced to just see who could be the loudest or who could be the first group to use a protest technique the other side hadn’t thought of. Days into the contest there was no sign of either side winning the protest, and the situation for any student just trying to get to class looked dire.

As the Palestinian decided they were just going to sit down and not say or eat anything for the whole afternoon to make the Israeli student look silly and overzealous, USC officials decided it was time to take action against the protests. A meeting was held, and the decision to re-mulch Trousdale Parkway was made. The officials ended their meeting and sent out the decree. USC landscaper, José, simultaneously made the saddest goddamn face anyones ever seen as the decision was made. By that afternoon the re-mulching had begun and the protesters started to become uneasy about standing in the most disgusting smell they could imagine. However, both sides turned it into a contest to see which side could stand the smell the longest to see who were the better protesters.

As the next morning rolled around, with the mulching still under progress and the rains from the night before remoistening the dried cow poop, the protesters began to rethink their commitment. Students walked down Trousdale at first just commenting, saying aloud, “ohh god!” or, “eww,” and making faces like Snape after Harry sees that memory of his dad picking on him. As students neared VKC as they continued down the universities main drag, the smell heightened and people were now using scarfs of taking the hoods off of their heads on a rainy morning to cover their nose and mouth. By the time students reached that TV that always plays Trojan Vision, many had began just running and grunting so as to not open their mouths and potentially taste the unholy smell that had been created. As I watched students run by the TV playing the nations top student television program without even stopping to admire an episode of The Toast, I knew the situation had become dire.

I caught up with a student who had just survived a journey down the parkway and  he said while trying to catch his breath, “Once I reached that TV thing the smell had really hit a crescendo. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse the smell mutated into something that smells like it was straight from satan while he’s on an all meat diet and I had to get out of there.” I caught the last of the protesters leave the area near tommy as he could not hold his breath any longer. I asked him why he stopped protesting and he said, “Well it’s not as fun protesting when you’re not doing it against someone, and I’m all for standing up for what I believe in, I just don’t wanna stand right there for it.”